My Teacher’s Packin

Luncheon at P.S. 22 – Five third Graders…

Mike: Did you hear?
Susan: What?
Peter: Hear what?
Mike: I think Ms. Schultz got a gun.
Francis: What?
Susan: So?
Mike: Ms. Schultz got a gun. She’s got a gun in her bag.
Ralph: Really? A real gun!
Francis: A gun?
Susan: Mike, can I have one of your donuts.
Mike: Here. Take one. Just one.
Francis: My Mom told me that teachers don’t have guns.
Peter: My dad said teachers should get a gun.
Susan: Can I have another? (she takes another donut).
Mike: Harry in Mrs. Bacon’s class told me.
Francis: Harry is in Kindergarten.
Mike: So what? He told me that he saw the gun.
Ralph: Wow!
Peter: He really saw a gun. A real gun.
Mike: That’s what he told me. I believe him.
Susan: I’m gonna ask Ms. Schultz.
Mike: Yeh, ask her. But don’t say I told you.
Peter: Yeh. Good idea.
Ralph: You think, she can show us the gun. Ya think she would?
Mike: That would be great. I never seen a real gun.
Francis: I did. My grandfather has a lot of guns.
Mike: O.K Susan. After lunch lets go to her and see the gun.
Peter: Great. Let’s go!
Susan: Don’t tell the other kids.
Mike: Just us. Let’s go.

A Complex Killer…

Upon arrest the El Paso killer stated to Police:


  “I killed innocent people. I wanted to kill Mexicans. I am a killer. Don’t forget, I am also mentally ill.”

“Suicide Watch”
Jail Commander: ” Officer Kogan, were you on the suicide watch.”
Officer Kogan: “ Yes Sir.”
Jail Commander: “Kogan, what does that mean?”
Officer Kogan: ” It means that I am to watch a suicide.

Jail Commander: “Thank you, officer Kogan.”

Watching Ain’t Easy

I just finished 16 hours on duty. I was really tired. The Supervisor asked if I could just do half of the next shift. He is a good friend. I said okay. I was assigned the perverts cell. Why always me for extra time? I can’t tell you how boring this job is. Especially the rich guys. They don’t to nothing. Just smile and wait for their attorney visit. What a creep.

I am bushed. Five days in a row of overtime. Sure, the money is great, but hanging out at this place is disgusting. Stinks, garbage everywhere, and those cons are lowlifes. That Jeffrey guy was on a watch, now just look in about every 30 minutes. What a pain. Sometimes I’m a little late in looking. Last time I looked; he was sleeping. Sleeping on the floor. I didn’t say anything. Who cares?

Usually I’m a clerk in the health records room. For the past two days, I got ordered to watch men in the suicide watch section. I have never seen a man toilet. It was not very pleasant. They said I would there for 6 hours. I am now into hour 12. Frankly, I am very tired. I mean exhausted. Didn’t sleep last night, my kid kept me awake all night. She has allergies. Sneezing, and coughing all evening. My husband worked the night shift, so not at home. I think I will just take a little snooze. Just a few minutes. The guy seems quiet.

That guy doesn’t look like he’s gonna kill himself. They told me that he tried to hang himself last week. Well, he made it here. Now I must watch him. I am ready to quit. We haven’t had a pay raise for two years. Other guys have quit. I’m thinking to do the same thing. Pay is for shit, and I don’t give a damn about the prisoners. They could kill themselves for all I care.

How come that guy got off suicide watch. Money. I think he paid off and got off. Where is the other guy in his cell? He was there yesterday. With those sheets, he could hang himself. Better be careful. Thirty minutes checkup. Where is that Observation Check Sheet? How come no Time Checks yesterday, or the day before? Did anyone do any check?

BREAKING NEWS – EPSTEIN FOUND DEAD IN HIS CELL. APPARENT SUICIDE.

Thomas Golden
Writers Cramp, August 12, 2019

The Chant

We watched the monitors. I just finished my third cup of coffee. Almost 8pm. I could not stand the suspense. I got a call from the show producer. He wondered if there was any news. He was ready to go with our copy about the Squad. I knew the commentators were seated in the Studio D. Tonight we had six of our best. They were primed for the “send her back”.

I told the producer to be patient, and I would call. Just then the President entered the stadium. The crowd went crazy. I quickly opened the screens to see our commentators. They were just describing the cheering crowd, the signs, the music.
The President began his speech. The crowd was silent. He began to talk about the media and their lies. He then spoke of the difference between cities and the rest of the country.

When will he start on the ‘Squad’? Any comment about the ‘Squad’ would get them going.  Our television commentators kept repeating descriptions of the crowd. Was the crowd ready for a chant? I softly mumbled, ‘please start the chant, please.’ My assistant director heard me, and she smiled, and said, “I’m a nervous wreck – what is he waiting for? ”.

Just then someone in the crowd shouted, “lock her up – lock her up.” Immediately the crowd joined in, and all 10 thousand voices were screaming “lock her up.”

Why that chant about Hillary? One of my staff said that moments ago, the President mentioned Hillary’s name. Perhaps that started it.

My show producer called and shouted what was he to do? What to tell the commentators? Perhaps the ‘send her back’ would come later. But what to do now. What a mess. The commentators silently listened to the President’s speech. Every so often they commented on this repetition, and fact-less talk.

At the last commercial break, the lead commentator called me, and asked what to do. I told her to do her job. I cannot start the desired chant. I would if I was in the audience. What the hell was I to do? What a waste!

Tom Golden, 2019

Watching Ain’t Easy

I just finished 16 hours on duty. I was really tired. The Supervisor asked if I could just do half of the next shift. He is a good friend. I said okay. I was assigned the perverts cell. Why always me for extra time? I can’t tell you how boring this job is. Especially the rich guys. They don’t to nothing. Just smile and wait for their attorney visit. What a creep.

I am bushed. Five days in a row of overtime. Sure, the money is great, but hanging out at this place is disgusting. Stinks, garbage everywhere, and those cons are lowlifes. That Jeffrey guy was on a watch, now just look in about every 30 minutes. What a pain. Sometimes I’m a little late in looking. Last time I looked; he was sleeping. Sleeping on the floor. I didn’t say anything. Who cares?

Usually I’m a clerk in the health records room. For the past two days, I got ordered to watch men in the suicide watch section. I have never seen a man toilet. It was not very pleasant. They said I would there for 6 hours. I am now into hour 12. Frankly, I am very tired. I mean exhausted. Didn’t sleep last night, my kid kept me awake all night. She has allergies. Sneezing, and coughing all evening. My husband worked the night shift, so not at home. I think I will just take a little snooze. Just a few minutes. The guy seems quiet.

That guy doesn’t look like he’s gonna kill himself. They told me that he tried to hang himself last week. Well, he made it here. Now I must watch him. I am ready to quit. We haven’t had a pay raise for two years. Other guys have quit. I’m thinking to do the same thing. Pay is for shit, and I don’t give a damn about the prisoners. They could kill themselves for all I care.

How come that guy got off suicide watch. Money. I think he paid off and got off. Where is the other guy in his cell? He was there yesterday. With those sheets, he could hang himself. Better be careful. Thirty minutes checkup. Where is that Observation Check Sheet? How come no Time Checks yesterday, or the day before? Did anyone do any check?

BREAKING NEWS – EPSTEIN FOUND DEAD IN HIS CELL. APPARENT SUICIDE.

Walking and Chewing Gum

Many times I have been walking and chewing gum. I never thought of it as unique. I rarely think about the multitasking. When one walks, and happens to be chewing gum, the likelihood is that the walking continues after discarding of the gum. It would be unique if a person stopped walking when he spits out the gum.

The Congressperson smiled, and proudly proclaimed, as if planting a family flag on a distant Pacific atoll, that he could walk and chew gum at the same time. A cliché that has its imprint on every pedestrian walkway. You may not realize that walking and chewing gum at the same time has significant consequences not just for the walker and gum chewer, but for all citizens. Our Congressperson used the cliché to tell us that he can impeach, and yet be capable of legislating important issues, such as climate change, educational budgets, infrastructure, water and air protection and health care. He can legislate even while engaging in an impeachment inquiry, that is, walk and chew gum at the same time.

As he made that declaration, I noticed dozens of gum wads on the street nearby. Some were small, and others larger, but clearly all discarded gum.

Walking and chewing gum. Which is legislation and which is the impeachment inquiry? That is the question! For the moment let us assume that walking is the impeachment inquiry, and the work of the legislator is the gum. We know for certain that at some indeterminate time the gum always gets tossed. What does that mean for substantial national issues affecting each of us every day?

Now should the impeachment inquiry be the gum, then does that mean that the inquiry gets tossed? A lawless and ruthless President continues his misdeeds, but we will breath clean air, drink clean water, and have free hearing aids and glasses.

In fact, no one is capable of interminable walking and chewing gum at the same time.

I forgot, sometimes I swallow the gum.

Tom Golden, 2019.
 

Bar Talk

Location: McMurray’ Bar, Brooklyn
Evening: 7:00pm
Harry: Say, Mike, a Miller’s.
Pete: Make that two.
Jack: Say, Mike, have any Rollin Rock?
Mike: Yeh, at home. We don’t sell it.
Jack: O.K. Tequila on the rocks.
Harry: Ain’t we the latin lova.
Pete: You guys heard the Presidents screed.
Jack: His what?
Pete: His screed. Yesterday on the t.v.
Harry: Yeh, I heard him. What’s this screed shit?
Pete: Forget it.
Harry: No, what screed? I did hear the trope.
Jack: What the fuck are you talkin about?
Mike: Say fellas, I saw this fuckin meme last night. Hilarious.
Pete: You mean the one on Fox. I saw it too. Existential as hell – just great.
Jack: Fellas, I gotta get goin. See ya tomorrow. (Swallows the Tequila)

Civics 101

Lesson One: Our children learn that in Washington there is a place where important men and women tell what they think. Some are Republicans and others are Democrats.
Lesson Two: Most of the time, the Republicans and the Democrats do not agree on anything.
Lesson Three: Even though they argue a lot, they always call each other a good friend.
Lesson Four:  They say they like each other, but they are not allowed to sit next to each other.
Lesson Five: Every day the Democrats say bad things about the President.
Lesson Six: The children learn that the Republicans love the President.
Lesson Seven: Sometimes the Democrats love the President, and the Republicans say bad things about the President.
Lesson Eight: The Supreme Court Judges don’t really love anyone, and some are going to die.

either – or

The newscaster declared, “whether you are a democrat or a republican, or right or left”. I said to my self – self you are neither. This way, or that way? Right or wrong? In or out? Lost or found? On or off?

Dichotomy is not life. I am not so simple. Every child instinctively knows that life is not simple. When asked a question, the child frequently responds: “I don’t know.” The answer is not born of ignorance, but an innocent response to the complexity of life.

Tom Golden, December, 2018

They Are Already Here

Dino said to me: The Wall, it is too late. They are already here!

Wow! I smiled at his comment and reveled in the reality of his observation.

Dino was correct. A nation boasts about its immigrant origins. A nation born of European settlers with no papers. They just came and stayed. The locales never asked for identification, skills, nor intentions.

Over the decades millions have come to America.

Poetess Emma Lazarus wrote: “Give me your tired, your poor. Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me. I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

So, what has changed? Still men, women and children. Still tired, poor, wretched, battered and homeless. What makes these pilgrims different? Look, and you shall see. COLOR! Brown or Black men, women and children is the problem for todays locos. Emma Lazarus never envisioned caravans of Brown and Black men, women and children yearning to be free in America. Unimaginable at the time were the yearnings of rapists, killers and drug dealers.  If only the Statue of Liberty floated on the Rio Grande River, in the southwest.

I Lost Suzanne

“I heard about Suzanne, Tom. I’m sorry about your loss.”

I have forgotten the year. I remember the day. I remember the day since it was a leap year. That meant it was the 29th of February. After some research the year was likely 1996.

It was a Thursday morning. Suzanne slept in a hospital bed that I had installed in our living room. I lay next to her on a lounge chair. I awoke and turned to her. She was asleep. I moved close to her. I heard a sound, a faint, soft sound of her breath. It was her last breath.

I did not lose Suzanne. Had I lost Suzanne, I would be searching to this very moment. I would never stop my search. No, I did not lose Suzanne. Suzanne died on Thursday morning, February 29, 1996.

JUST SAY NO!

Flake asks for a delay. A delay of the vote. A limited time delay. A very limited time delay. It is only fair to have a delay in the vote for Brett Kavanaugh. Not only should there be a delay, but the FBI, that is the Federal Bureau of Investigation should investigate the charges. Which charges? The charges that the President tells them to investigate. Who should be investigated about the charges? Ask the President. How long should be the delay? Ask the President or ask Senator McConnell. Senator McConnell knows how long the delay should be. Sen. Flake just wants a delay. A reasonable delay, with a reasonable FBI investigation. Everyone is very reasonable – almost congenial – or as the President would say, almost conjugal.

Conversation in the Senate building hallway. The woman, Harriet is from Ellenville, New York, and the man, Paul is from Lake Forest, Illinois.

Harriet: Say Paul, is there any official that has the strength of character – so they say no time constraints. Who can say all persons demanding a voice will be heard.
Paul: How many persons?
Harriet: Who knows?
Paul: But if the number is large, what do they do?
Harriet: They extend the ‘delay’.
Paul: But how long will the ‘delay’ be – how long?
Harriet: We shall see.
Paul: You say, “Who knows?” “We shall see”. Nothing is clear. No limit on time for the investigation, or the number of persons testifying, or the relevance of their testimony. We cannot run a government with such indecision. The nation needs a new Justice. They have a decision that must be made. It’s helpful to have time constraints, and witness limits.
Harriet: Okay, I grant you that there must be some order to the investigation. The President, Senator McConnell and Schumer should meet and agree about the focus of the investigation, the issue of time, and the number of witnesses.
Paul: They can’t do that.
Harriet: Why not?
Paul: It’s the Presidents job. The President is the commander of the Justice Department. The FBI is part of the Justice Department. The President has the constitutional authority to order an investigation by the FBI, and every part of the investigation.
Harriet: So?
Paul: Well, that means the President can decide exactly what the FBI staff can do, and not do.
Harriet: That’s not right. Are you certain about the President and the FBI?
Paul: Yes. Absolutely certain. What’s more, you and I cannot know what instructions the President has given the FBI.
Harriet: You’re kidding. You can’t be serious. This is America.
Paul: Harriet, I’m not kidding. Furthermore, when the report is written, only the Senators, and some aides can read the report.
Harriet: No way!
Paul: One thing more. Only one copy – do you hear me. Just one copy will be made available to the Senators and aides. The copy is read in a secured room. Each Senator will have a fixed time to read the copy of the report.
Harriet: Why one copy? I mean this is getting dumb. Why are the aides in the room? Who the hell are the aides? Do the Senators need aides to read a report? This is unbelievable. Really, I can’t believe what you are saying.
Paul: Well, get this. When the Senators have read the report, they and their aides cannot say anything about the content of the report.
Harriet: Nothing?
Paul: Absolutely nothing.
Harriet: Forever?
Paul: Who knows. Maybe after the nomination is over, or after the election in November.
Harriet: Leaks. What about leaks?
Paul: Let’s hope so.
Harriet: Is there anything a Senator can do?
Paul: Of course.
Harriet: What?
Paul: Senators can just say NO! No to every demand. No to the time delay. No to the limit on charges. No to the limit on witnesses. And if the no is ignored – don’t participate for one more moment. Don’t attend any sessions. Do not vote on any issue. Do not engage in what you know is a sham – a political maneuver to suggest legitimacy. Just say no, and act on that no. Do not even read the FBI report.
Harriet: Well decisions will be made without them.
Paul: That’s true.
Harriet: But what good is that?
Paul: You asked what good is it that they say no?
Harriet: Yes, I do not understand.
Paul: Harriet, sometimes you say no, and NO is as good as it gets!

The End
Tom Golden, 2018

Tears…

Brett Kavanaugh cried during the Senate investigation. Brett Kavanaugh’s emotional breakdown had its roots in his overwhelming guilt for a criminal assault of a defenseless teenage woman. Brett Kavanaugh’s impassioned denial of any wrong doing reflected a distraught person who could not accept the truth of his painful history. Brett Kavanaugh has been characterized by many persons as a decent person. Yet a man whose life history has been scared by past years of delinquent behavior. The angst that he displayed at the Senate hearings was not a denial of the truth of Christine Ford’s account, but rather an anguished attempt to suppress his guilt. Mr. Kavanaugh can be damned for his lie, but Brett Kavanaugh deserves our sympathy and even our empathy. Empathy for a man who should have never allowed himself to be in contention for a Supreme Court appointment. Perhaps a feeling of entitlement, a need for recognition, or approval allowed him to accept the nomination. Whatever his motives or other influences, he ignored the possibility that his blemished history would become public.

Brett Kavanaugh was ill prepared to cope with the revelations of that abusive history. A man who under ordinary circumstances could cope with the normal stresses of life. The demands of the Senate investigation and the charges that he faced were not normal, and beyond his coping skills. Brett was incapable of controlling his despair, and terror. Brett could not suppress his anguish. Brett was hostile, oppositional, and outright rude. He had no choice but to lie. Brett Kavanaugh may become a Supreme Court justice, but he will never forgive himself. He will forever be tormented by his guilt.

Just Seven Days

Flake did his maneuver today. Saved his various reputations as anti-trump, decent conservative, and looking for work. Poor Flake gets cornered by several distraught women. They announce their torment, and painful assaulted history. Startled, good ole Flake says: “O.K. 7 days – not one minute more. Let the FBI go at it. Let’s get a complete investigation by the FBI. That is fair, and justice will be served – Amen!!!” Seven days – just seven days. Not bad. God did a lot in seven days.

All hands-on deck. FBI agents from all over the country will be called to the 7-day investigation. Clean the polygraph machines. Sharpen the pencils. Cancel all leaves. Retake any oaths that they have taken. We must be certain that there are no bad apples in the FBI as in the case McCabe.

One problem – more than one. Who are we to investigate? Can we subpoena any persons? Can we demand that they be investigated? There are no criminal charges. Must the persons speak to the FBI, or is it voluntary? And most important where are they right now?

A preliminary investigation just completed today, September 28, 2018 revealed the following about the potential witnesses.
Christine Blasey Ford – Someplace with her family. Address unknown. Perhaps FBI knows.
Russell Ford – Husband of Christine. Likely with her. Works every day, and not certain if he can miss much work time.
Keith Koegler – Children’s coach. Last known to be in France attending the Ryder Cup.
Rebecca White – Christine’ neighbor, when Christine lived nearby. Now not a neighbor.
Leland Keyser – Dear friend of Christine. Important witness. Recently had extensive oral surgery, and has difficulty speaking. May improve over the next week or so.
Brett Kavanaugh – Currently involved in daily, intensive psychotherapy. Senate sessions were traumatizing. Not certain if he can withstand more questioning. Spending a lot of time in prayer.
PJ Smyth: At function. Currently thought to be skiing in Utah. Last great summer skiing.
Adela Gildo-Mazzon: Friend to Christine. Will possible speak to FBI, but only if her Mother is present. Adela’s mother is currently in a senior citizens home with late state dementia.
Deborah Ramirez: Additional person charging Brett with sexual assault, drinking. Likely to testify, but only to female FBI agent. Preferably an agent who has suffered sexual assault.
Julie Swetnick: Claimed assault by Brett on Washington street. Currently on a cruise to Cancun. Has said that she will ask Captain to turn back and let her off at Guantanamo Base. Likely available and can’t wait to testify.

The FBI has got their work cut out for them. But as they say: “A stitch in time saves nine.” (Benjamin Franklin, 1789)

Tom Golden, 2018

Sherlock – We Need You

He said and she said. What actually occurred? We cannot stand the absence of THE TRUTH. The truth is the goal. We must know the truth of what has happened. We know that there is a truth to be found, and we must find it. And the search continued just after school on Thursday afternoon. Martha’s son stood still, and his eyes were full of tears. Remarkable how eye lids could hold back such a full tide. Michael had been standing there for several minutes. For Michael it was days.

“Now Michael, please tell me what you said to Susan. “
“ Nothing – I said nothing.”
“ Your teacher heard you say Susan was fat. Did you call Susan fat?”
“ No.”
“ Michael, do not lie to me. “
“ I am not lying. I didn’t call her fat.”
(Michael wiped the first tear from his cheek)
“ Michael, tell me the truth. Do not lie to me.”
“ I am not lying.”
“ Michael, is the teacher lying? Is she lying?’
“ I don’t know.”
“ What do you mean – you don’t know?’
“ I am not lying to you.”
(several more tears fall)
“ What did you say”?
“ Nothing. I never said anything- I swear!”
“ Well, Michael, we will wait until your Father comes home.”
Michaels’ Father is a Detective in the local police department.
Tom Golden, 2018