The LIE Word

Senator Corker from Tennessee stated that in his home, his family never used the LIE word. Currently, the Senator is in a newsworthy conflict with President Trump. Senator Corker has said that the President, “tells untruths.” “Untruths” may be difficult to say without an outburst of laughter, but it eliminates screaming, “liar, liar, liar!” The President said a “untruth.” Not only an “untruth”, but a “provable untruth”. Senator Corker may be unleashing a needed reform in our culture. The rebirth of manners and specifically mannered control over our communication.

What words were, forbidden, or at least avoided in your home. Let’s start with the “H” word, or at perhaps the “S” word. In some homes the list might include the “F” word,

Now as to our careful avoidance of forbidden words. I was told not to say the “H” word as in HATE, like, “I hate you.” I would instead say, “I hope you die” (but under my breath), followed by a quick “Oh, God, please don’t let my Mother die” (also under my breath). I believe that children express much of their feelings under their breath.

The “S” word as in STUPID -What is so wrong in calling your sister stupid? Many times, my sister, and my brother were stupid. Why punish me, when they were so stupid? I avoided stupid, by simple saying: “Wrong!” or “You’re such a jerk.”

And now for the biggy: “FUCK” as in “Fuck you!” Never, no never say that in one’s home. If by chance it slipped, then comes the soap mouth washing. The notion that cleansing a mouth with soap could suppress such intense feelings was at best a temporary suppression. You might say “Fuck You”, but to the air. That is with no eye contact to anyone. You might hear, “What did you say?” You then say “Nothing – nothing.” That usually works.

When and if children use forbidden words, the origins are usually attributed to the child’s playmates, or classmates. “Frank, I don’t want you to talk like your friend Michael. I have told you many times that Michael’s parents are hardly ever home, and he has sitters teach a lot of things that are not right. I hope that you understand. Do you?” Frank nods approval, and immediately returns to Mario on his computer.

 

Tom Golden, writer’s cramp, 2017

 

Uncharted Waters

Today, February 9, 2017, Senator Mark Warner of the great state of Virginia stated that, “we are in uncharted waters.” Other political leaders and commentators have said phrases of a similar sort, e.g. “This is a new day,” and “Little seems the same.” and most painful, “It is difficult to know what to do – so many things are changing daily,”

Fellow Americans, the only person in the entire country that is “uncharted” is the President of the United States. The only citizen who can change opinion, desires, attitudes on a “daily”, or “hourly” basis is Donald Trump – Our pathologically disturbed President.

Perhaps, Senator Warner, and his colleagues feel that they are in “uncharted waters.” I feel sorry for them. It must be difficult for them to remember right from wrong, or truth versus lies. Have Senator Warner and ‘friends’ (those in Congress always refer to one another as ‘friend’) lost their moral compass and as such cannot distinguish between ill-will and respect. Have they totally suppressed or deny the teachings of their parents, teachers, church leaders? That Donald Trump resembles a buoy bobbing in the sea is not my fate. That Donald Trump is troubled by demons that deny him guidance and safety, is not my state of mind, nor body. I fear not uncharted waters, not because of some exquisite seamanship, but because of my humanity.

The Weather Superman and Woman

The recent storms of Harvey and Irma have produced broadcasters the likes of which we have not known since World War II. No, now our front-line reporters are the brave men and women of the weather reporting media, state and federal weather bureaus.

One hundred and fifty-five miles per hour winds. Drenching rains, carrying millions of grains of beach sand. Sand that sting the faces of the weather persons. “I feel as though I was getting a skin abrasion treatment. Oh, that hurts.” Another reported standing on a pier, just alongside the Miami River, slipped on a cement block, and fortunately did not hit the water. Other reporters braving unpredictable ‘catastrophic’ wind gusts, and yet standing just three feet from the safety of a concrete parking garage, and the warmth of a massive GM SUV.

They report on the rain, and Palm trees swaying. The program directors request more shots of the rain, and flooded streets. The producers and television directors ignore the fact that we can see the rain, and the Palm trees bending. We can hear the howling wind. We see the waves, white caps and the boats floundering in their moorings, or out to sea. The camera tells us all we need to know, without the added thrill, and death defying heroism of the weather reporters. How much danger do the reporters need to suffer to keep the television ratings on the rise? What kind of harm do we have to see, before the ‘entertainment’ portion of the weather report is satisfied?

Tom Golden, Writer’s Cramp, 2017

A Name…

A NAME is important. A NAME is more than a label. A NAME tells us something about the person. Take buildings for an example. There are no buildings with a NAME such as: I, or ME, or US. Nor are there clothing labels that declare: IT, or MINE, or WE.  There are many structures that do carry a label, a real NAME.

For some persons, their NAME is important. To have a NAME recognized is food for their ego. Others have never expressed a desire to have public recognition of their NAME. In fact, Ulysses Grant never asked for a memorial to his NAME, nor did George Washington desire to have a city, or monument bear his NAME. Martin Luther King, never asked for an avenue named after him, nor did Francis Albert Sinatra ask for a “Way” in Hoboken, New Jersey.

And now for persons who have a fervent, spinal need for their NAME to be recognized by every inhabitant of the world. A person who needs his NAME on apartment and office building(s), Casinos, and golf courses. Such a person is our President Donald Trump. To have his NAME plastered for all to see, both in the United States and in foreign lands is a basic need, as is the need for food and water.

President Trump clearly enjoys the sight of his NAME in public places. BUT, there is one labelling of which he is most desirous. Donald Trump needs – a need beyond measure, to have his NAME on a health bill.

A modest proposal. The Congress, both parties, must make the needed corrections in Obama Care, and then NAME the bill as: TRUMP CARE. TRUMP CARE logos must be placed in every medical facility, pharmacy. Every auto sold, should carry a bumper sticker announcing TRUMP CARE. Only then will the Donald achieve some sense of comfort. Only then will Donald be able to sleep thru the night, and not resort to tweets.

The End

Thomas Golden, Writer’s Cramp, September ,2017.

Did I Say That?

 

And now, the President of the United States – Donald Trump

“Thank you for the invitation, and the great welcome by such a great audience. I mean great – really great. First, I must give my thanks to the representatives who have come from far and wide. Very far. Not around the corner. Sometimes I wonder how come people come at all. I mean why do they come. I mean it, why? Then I say to myself that they really care. Not only do they care, but they really care – really. I say it, they care.

We are gathered today to celebrate the most important day of the month of October. You may not believe it, but all my life – I mean a long, long time, I loved Halloween. The fake news, all those fake news people sitting in the back. You see them – the fake people of the fake news. Say hello to the camera, you fake people. Forget them, I mean they love to hear me say fake news. Then they can say I called them fake news persons, love it, they love it. So, Halloween is a simple holiday. No religion, no racial things, just fun, fun. Real fun. You betta believe the fake news, yeh the ones in the back. Say cameraman, show the fake news persons. Okay forget it. They know they are fakers. The fake networks will say that President Trump made a big deal about Halloween. Yeh, that’s what they will say. I did make a big deal – it is a big deal for millions of my friends in Alabama, Ohio and mostly Pennsylvania. Would you believe I won Ohio, and Pennsylvania? Would you believe it. Believe it. Oh, poor Hillary, poor Hillary. What a bad candidate- really bad, so bad.

I have got to go to Mara Lago tonight. Big night there and thousands of kids -thousands are coming for their candy. Lotsa candy and things. Would you believe it thousands and with their mom and dad? Not just kids, but mom and dad, and maybe others. Thank you very much. A lot.”

Tom Golden, Writers Cramp, 2017

What Did He Say??

 

Fellow Americans, I welcome the opportunity to speak with you tonight. I would like to take this opportunity to clarify our current policies, positions, and potential possibilities. You are all well aware that we are once again engaged overseas in a major struggle. We know that the reason we are there is to establish, that is to re-establish, a democratic state. In no way do we want to destabilize the existing democratic institutions. We are fully committed to the basic principles of independence and national sovereignty. Nonetheless, we will not tolerate the continued dismantling of a system of government, that has clearly been supported by major segments of the population.

As stated previously, and by various members of the government, our primary role has been and continues to be that of a mediator, and not one of a decision maker. This has been a difficult role to fulfill considering our lack of primacy in this crisis situation. As always, we must be ever vigilant so as to avoid the perception of favoritism, or antagonism toward each of the participants, whomever they may be. This role is not without inherent dangers. Once a commitment is made, we are then obligated to a total and indeterminate stake in whatever outcomes prevail.

I know that you can appreciate the profound implications of a rather complex situation. But never doubt the will of a nation, and the will of people to determine their own destiny. A destiny that would never have been fulfilled were it not for the dedication, and other things that happen to each of us – I mean all of us. When a public becomes too knowledgeable in the ways of resistance, we have to stop, look, and listen. We have to be able to grab the means of power, and grab the bull by its horns and other animals also.

Don’t forget that. The most base, animal instincts within us, can show their colors on any day, or moment in time. Just give me one moment in time, and I will show you how we got there. Getting there is half the battle. The other half, surprisingly, is not equal to the first half. Obviously, such a simple explanation is too difficult to understand, especially when we feel a sense of confusion regarding what we are saying and doing. To fight for the right, without stumble or pause, and to march into hell for a heavenly cause is not easy for the uncommitted among us.

We must seek a way, any way to get out of here. We must begin at the beginning and not be midway toward the final goal and conclusion. You must believe me when I say, with all my heart and soul, that we will never gain a foothold in a democratic system of justice without a sheriff. That was how we tamed the west, and never let it be said that we weren’t defeated more than once and still came back.

Perhaps you are still doubting the basic premise, whatever that is. Well, do not despair, we have not reached the eleventh hour yet. It is only 10:30. Well, you know what I mean. I mean that we have not yet begun to fight. We will take flight when we are good and ready, and not before – remember that! When we are ready, you will feel it as I do now, and I am not ready to commit fully to anything.

I feel so lonely as I speak to you. It is so difficult to give this speech. I was up quite late last night writing this speech. My wife, told me to get some sleep. I said that I would, but instead I had another cup of expresso.  Boy, was I exhausted. I finally went to bed at 4:30 in the morning. I guess I should have edited my speech. Proof reading really does help. I have never been so confused in my life, but I hope you feel the same about me. Being your president, your commander in chief, isn’t easy. Bass fishing isn’t easy either but at least you can eat what you catch. (Giggle)

Ya know, when I was a young boy, I was asked to give a speech to my scout troop. The topic was what I was going to be when I grew up. I wanted to be a plumber, I couldn’t tell the troop that, so I said I wanted to be a President. I didn’t mean commander in chief. I meant I wanted to own my own plumbing supply company. I would be president of Bush’s Bushings and Washers Inc. But it all went south. I stand before you, and I am in a lot of trouble. We are in a mess. I must leave you right now. I am very tired – really bushed (giggle). Tomorrow, I think I am going to declare war. It is the best that I can do. If I don’t declare war tomorrow, I might never have another chance during my administration. Every President I know has either declared a war, fought a war, or ended a war, or wished he had done so. For those of you who are still awake, I say goodnight. For those of you who have fallen asleep or changed the dial on your television, I wish you a happy holiday season. I’ve got to go. Happy New War! Just messin! Happy New Year, I am so tired…

Yenta

A Yenta is someone who talks too much, spreads rumors, and can’t keep a secret**.  Forget about the Yiddish implications and history of the word and focus on the men and women of today. FBI Director James Comey is clearly a Yenta in the ‘spreading of rumors’ type. The Donald, though not Jewish does talk too much, and finally Julian Assange. Julian, a classic, born again Yenta. Julian clearly cannot keep a secret. Not one secret, I mean 343,200 secrets. Tens of thousands of secrets ‘leak’ out. Not ‘leak’ as in faucet leaks, nor ‘leak’ as in senior citizen urinary dysfunction. ‘Leak’ as in Wikileaks. More than a million pieces of information ready to be ‘leaked’. Who, if anyone fixes the ‘leaks’? The plumber, the Urologist ? The Yenta.  Yes,the Yenta fixes the ‘leaks’. The Yenta just does what Yenta’s do best. They talk again, spread other rumors, and reveal other secrets, all to make things better, and repair the damage of the  previous ‘leaks.’

**Definition from the East New York Compendium of Yiddish Terms, First Edition (and only ).

I Need Copy

Monday evening, at about 5pm.  January 26, 2015. Writer’s conference room at CNN.

Staff of seven. Six men and one woman. They sit at a circular conference table. On the table are several carafes of coffee, coffee mugs, Styrofoam cups, coffee mate and a sugar container with real sugar, raw sugar, Splendid, Truvia packets, and a container of Agavi. Several large screen t.v. sets are attached to the walls of the room. The conference room has no windows. Each person has a tablet.

Staff: Director Bill, and writer’s Jason, Harry, Peter, Tom, Rachel, Jacob and Martin.

Bill: Well, we’ve got us a blizzard. Maybe the biggest in 10 years, or more.

Peter: Let’s get started. Don Lemon, and staff are already on station, and they need copy.

Jason: O.K.

Rachel: Do we have the commercial schedule set?

Peter: Yes. I’ve got it. We are set for 4 minutes of live, and 30 seconds of commercial. The alternative is 6 minutes of live and 90 seconds of commercial. Either way all is set.

Bill: Great. Do we have meteorologists on board.

Tom: Yes, Bill. We have two set to come on call.

Rachel: Who are they Tom?

Tom: Professor Harrison Thatcher from Univ. of Conn. And Peter Crowley from the Miami Hurricane Centre in Coral Gables.

Bill: Peter Crowley from where?

Tom: He is the chief Hurricane forecaster at the Miami Center.

Martin: We are talking about a blizzard, not a Caribbean rainstorm!

Jacob: Hurricane, blizzard so what. I have heard predictions of 50 to 60 mile winds with this blizzard

Harry: That sounds like a hurricane to me.

Rachel: In fact, what makes a blizzard, a blizzard..

Peter: Dairy Queen!

Rachel: O.K. wise guy. No I not kidding. It is the strength of the wind, not the amount of snow that defines a blizzard.

Bill: You mean, if we get 26 inches of snow in one storm that is not a blizzard.

Rachel: Right. Just a one monster snow storm.

Jacob: Folks, I just got an email from Don Lemon and he needs copy!

Harry: Send the following. “ The blizzard of 2015 is just starting to arrive and do not fool yourself. This storm will be massive, and even life threatening. Perhaps where you are sitting there are only flurries, but that is just the calm before the storm.”

Rachel: That’ just 14 seconds. He needs more.

Harry: O.K. Don give this out now. “ Folks in Sunnyside, Queens or Rockville Centre Long Island why don’t you call in to 212-456-6666 and tell us your weather. In fact, any of you who would like to call to be our on-site weatherperson, please call 212-456-666”

Bill: Cut that! Stop that transmission. Stop it now.

Rachel: I’m sorry boss, it went out already. Don thought it was a great idea, and an audience builder. You know 15 seconds of fame for the guy on the street.

Bill: We can’t handle thousands of calls, and you gave the damn switchboard number of CNN. We need that line open for our news reporters.

Marty: The blizzard is the news. What else is happening?

Bill: What the hell are you talking about. The world is falling to shit, and we gonna have every Tom, Dick and Mary complaining about snowplows, and snowman in Staten Island.

Tom: Don is calling. He just slipped on some ice, and he needs cover for at least 5 minutes.

Bill: Rachel run the blizzard of 2006.

Rachel: We don’t have it set. I have the blizzard of 1776. Just foolin. I do have plenty of copy of the major blizzard of 1948.

Bill: Run it now. No wait. Finish the commercial. O.K. run it after Viagra.

My Gut Tells Me

“My gut tells me” and then Michael Smerconish, radio commentator, continued to respond to a caller’s question. The caller spoke about the new union of ATT and Warner, and some consequences for citizens and Comcast. Michael initially said that he was not very familiar with the particulars, but, “My gut tells me,” and Michael gave his opinion.

Let us talk about ‘gutsy’ talk. Michael is not the only person to have ever expressed, ‘my gut tells me’. Everything we think or feel does not have to come from “ I think” or “ my heart tells me.” Sometimes we feel things deeper, or at least more deeply than from the heart. Sometimes we can’t just shut-up.

Back to ‘my gut tells me.’ At a joint meeting of the Chiefs of Staff in the Spring of 1945, President Truman was told about the Atom Bomb. Harry initially expressed his ignorance about uranium and plutonium. He did receive many memos about the technology of the bomb, but he once stated to an aide, is ‘fusion the same as fission, or are they just spelling errors?’

The aide thought that President Truman was just joking, but in fact he was not joking. The President was not at all clear about the technology, use, and consequences of the atom bomb, but one thing for sure. Straight talking Harry knew when his ‘gut’ talks to him, and he approved the use of the bombs.

Another “My Gut Tells Me…

“Mr. Senator, sir would you please tell us your stand on the bill on abortion.” said the reporter.

Senator X reflects on the reporter’s question about abortion. “Well to tell you the truth”, (reporter interrupts)

“Yes Senator, I would like the truth.”

“As I was saying prior to your rather rude interruption,  I am not that familiar with the particulars of the actual, real process of abortion, but I have a feeling that..”
(reporter interrupts again)

“Sir if you are not familiar with abortion how can you vote on the issue. How?”

“Miss, if you would please allow me to finish my statement. I was just going to say that in my heart of hearts, and in my guts, the whole idea sounds pretty disgusting. I mean really ugly. I have feelings, you know. And my guts ( whole package of guts) tell me, even without all the particulars that it is not right.

All to often when we are questioned about an issue, and we believe that we should aware of the issue, we have the fall back position of affably expressed ignorance, followed by ‘my gut tells me’ and offer a full blown exposition rooted in ‘I think’ or ‘my heart tells me.’

 

The Undecided

 

The news reports that millions of potential voters are undecided about their choice of President. A very natural condition, to be undecided about an event. When does the state of ‘undecided’ evolve into ‘decided’. Well I will tell you when…..

1). Miss,  cream cheese or butter on your bagel? Said the clerk.

Well, just a minute. Said the Woman.

Bagel with cream cheese of butter? Clerk repeated.

I’m not certain. Said the Woman.

Lady, cheese or butter. Which? Said the Clerk.

It’s not so easy. Said the Woman.

What is not so easy? Said the Clerk

Deciding cheese or butter. Said the Woman

Lady, are you hungry. Said the Clerk.

Oh, yes – for sure. Said the Woman.

Well, I am closing in two minutes. Said the Clerk

Cheese, I’ll take cheese. Said the Woman.

2). The heat was oppressive.
The rope tore at his wrists .
Jose stared blankly at the 7 soldiers to his front.
“Do you desire a blindfold? “ said the Captain.

“No! declared Jose.

“As you wish. Now the name.”

“No, never!” shouted Jose.

“The name – I want the name. ”demanded the Captain.

“Drop dead, Captain” said Jose

“Jose you have one more chance. I will count to three. The name. ”said the Captain

The Captain commanded the 7 men to firing position.
“One, two…” said the Captain

“Miquel, Miquel. His name is Miguel” screamed Jose.

“At ease men.” Commanded the Captain.

3). The airline site offered just two more tickets at 555.00.
I went to the Kayak site to check other offers.
None were any better.
I returned to the airline site. Only one more ticket at 555.00

Perhaps I could extend my stay at a lower fare.
I changed my dates, and saw a fare for 222.00.
I had only to stay three extra days in Paris. Not bad.
I returned to the airline site and still one ticket left at 555.00.

Three more days in Paris at 102.00 per night. And then food.
Back at the airline site the fare was gone.
I immediately refreshed my computer, and there was the 555.00. Only one left.
With a firm press I chose Select. Done. I got the fare!
The airline sent a confirmation to my email. What a relief.

SMALL TALK

Small talk is seen as trivial, meaningless, and superficial. Often we hear people complain that…

“I can’t stand small talk!”

“Oh, all that small talk is driving my crazy!”

Why do we engage in small talk? Because we are small people? No. Big people engage in small talk. Perhaps it is because we have small minds. I don’t believe so, since many small minds are known to talk big.

The main reason for small talk must be the mouth size. Small talk is probably caused by a small mouth. Big mouths are known to talk big. In fact, big talk is the hallmark of a big mouth, or is that a loud mouth?

Have you ever heard loud mouths talk small talk? It might not be possible.  Since small talk is bad, then big talk must be good. Remember the joyful hours you have spent listening to big talk. Big talk, out of big mouths, with small minds.

Small talk is not at all trivial, meaningless nor superficial. Small talks allow us the time to become acquainted; small talk allows us to gracefully engage a stranger, or to painlessly tolerate the friend.