The Base…

The President has his Base. I also have a Base. In fact, I have two Bases’. One Base is Chicken, and the other is a Beef Base.  Each Base is totally reliable, and constant in performance. The ingredients in each Base are almost identical, except for the chicken content in one Base, and beef content in the other.

All politicians have a Base. The President’s Base is notably reliable, and remarkably constant in the results. The President can comfortably use his Base and count on the success of the basic ingredients. The basic ingredients of bigotry, fear, economic need, xenophobia, intolerance, hysteria, idolatry, and ignorance. To that Base, The President mixes lies, arrogance, impulsiveness, incoherence, adolescent sexuality, and fragility. The President’s Base is quite powerful, and can be used in varied situations, and to satisfy many tastes.  Hail to the Chief, I mean Chef as we eat our way to nausea.

Tom Golden, Ph.D. writers cramp,2017

The Chant

We watched the monitors. I just finished my third cup of coffee. Almost 8pm. I could not stand the suspense. I got a call from the show producer. He wondered if there was any news. He was ready to go with our copy about the Squad. I knew the commentators were seated in the Studio D. Tonight we had six of our best. They were primed for the “send her back”.

I told the producer to be patient, and I would call. Just then the President entered the stadium. The crowd went crazy. I quickly opened the screens to see our commentators. They were just describing the cheering crowd, the signs, the music.
The President began his speech. The crowd was silent. He began to talk about the media and their lies. He then spoke of the difference between cities and the rest of the country.

When will he start on the ‘Squad’? Any comment about the ‘Squad’ would get them going.  Our television commentators kept repeating descriptions of the crowd. Was the crowd ready for a chant? I softly mumbled, ‘please start the chant, please.’ My assistant director heard me, and she smiled, and said, “I’m a nervous wreck – what is he waiting for? ”.

Just then someone in the crowd shouted, “lock her up – lock her up.” Immediately the crowd joined in, and all 10 thousand voices were screaming “lock her up.”

Why that chant about Hillary? One of my staff said that moments ago, the President mentioned Hillary’s name. Perhaps that started it.

My show producer called and shouted what was he to do? What to tell the commentators? Perhaps the ‘send her back’ would come later. But what to do now. What a mess. The commentators silently listened to the President’s speech. Every so often they commented on this repetition, and fact-less talk.

At the last commercial break, the lead commentator called me, and asked what to do. I told her to do her job. I cannot start the desired chant. I would if I was in the audience. What the hell was I to do? What a waste!

Tom Golden, 2019

Walking and Chewing Gum

Many times I have been walking and chewing gum. I never thought of it as unique. I rarely think about the multitasking. When one walks, and happens to be chewing gum, the likelihood is that the walking continues after discarding of the gum. It would be unique if a person stopped walking when he spits out the gum.

The Congressperson smiled, and proudly proclaimed, as if planting a family flag on a distant Pacific atoll, that he could walk and chew gum at the same time. A cliché that has its imprint on every pedestrian walkway. You may not realize that walking and chewing gum at the same time has significant consequences not just for the walker and gum chewer, but for all citizens. Our Congressperson used the cliché to tell us that he can impeach, and yet be capable of legislating important issues, such as climate change, educational budgets, infrastructure, water and air protection and health care. He can legislate even while engaging in an impeachment inquiry, that is, walk and chew gum at the same time.

As he made that declaration, I noticed dozens of gum wads on the street nearby. Some were small, and others larger, but clearly all discarded gum.

Walking and chewing gum. Which is legislation and which is the impeachment inquiry? That is the question! For the moment let us assume that walking is the impeachment inquiry, and the work of the legislator is the gum. We know for certain that at some indeterminate time the gum always gets tossed. What does that mean for substantial national issues affecting each of us every day?

Now should the impeachment inquiry be the gum, then does that mean that the inquiry gets tossed? A lawless and ruthless President continues his misdeeds, but we will breath clean air, drink clean water, and have free hearing aids and glasses.

In fact, no one is capable of interminable walking and chewing gum at the same time.

I forgot, sometimes I swallow the gum.

Tom Golden, 2019.

The Asterisk

While riding down the New Jersey Turnpike, I noticed on the right-hand side a huge billboard with a photo of the newly appointed associate justice of the Supreme Court, Brett Kavanaugh. The Justice had his right hand on a Bible. Just above his head was a large asterisk.
When we see an asterisk we usually scan the item to see what the asterisk refers to. Try and scan a billboard on the New Jersey Turnpike while driving at 65 miles per hour. I was able to pull on to the right shoulder. As with most writing following an asterisk, the print was quite small. I climbed over the guard rails to get a closer view.

* “Supreme Court Associate Justice Brett Kavanaugh has allegedly fondled a 15 year old classmate when he was 17 years of age. Judge Kavanaugh has allegedly revealed his penis, and requested it be kissed by a college classmate while at Yale University. Judge Kavanaugh has been accused of participating in “gang rape” of high school girls. Judge Kavanaugh has been accused of excessive drinking that resulted in sexually assaultive behavior while in high school. In his mid-thirties, Judge Kavanaugh has been accused of attempted sexual assault of an adult female in the streets of Washington, D.C. It must be noted that none of the drinking or sexual allegations have been proven in a court of law.”
Tom Golden, PhD. Copyright, 2018

Let’s Make A Deal

April 23, 2016

The night of the Republican Nomination Celebration. About one hour prior to the announcement of the winning candidate, Donald Trump, his campaign advisor, Corey, and members of the Trump family gather in a backstage room. Two guards stand watch outside the door.

Son, Don Jr.: Dad is it true what Ivana told me?
Donald: Who? Who told you what?
Don Jr.: Ivana told me – no I mean Ivanka.
The Donald: Was it Ivanka or Ivana?
Wife, Melania: Donald, please do not get so upset. You know yourself that the names are very similar.
The Donald: Melania, will you stay out of it. Don, who told you, and more importantly what are you a talking about?
MaryAnn, Donald’s Mother: Yes, Don, what were you told. Ivanka, Ivana who cares.
Tiffany, Donald’s daughter: Grandma, you know they are two very different persons, and you should respect that – I mean they are really different – it’s important.
MaryAnn, Donald’s Mother: Tiffany, you do understand that I was not talking to you. You have a bad habit of talking even if you are not asked.
Friedrich Grumpf, Donald’s Grandfather: MaryAnn, please be kind. Speaking of habits, you must remember how often you interrupt.
MaryAnn, Donald’s Mother: Well…..

The Donald: Please stop this talk. There is just one hour until the convention starts. Now Don, what did you hear, no matter who the hell said it.
Don, Jr: Well, now that I think about it, I am not sure who told me.
The Donald: I don’t give a shit who told you. What did you hear, damn it – what!!!
Don, Jr: I heard that you were going to make a very special announcement at the convention.
The Donald: What else did you hear?
Don, Jr.: That’s it Dad. Just that.
Maryann, Donald’s sister: Well that was a lot about nothing.
Eric, Donald’s son: That is just like Don Jr. Always making a big deal about nothing.

Barron, Donald’s son: Deal – Did someone say deal. Are we making another deal? Say dad, are you making another deal?
Ivanka, Donald’s daughter: Barron, go back to sleep. There is no deal. Will everyone just calm down. Dad needs his rest. Tonight is the most special night in all of our life.
Ivana: I thought Donald’s and my marriage was the most special night in your life.
Barron: And mine, and Don Jr. and Tiffany’s life.
Tiffany: My favorite night was when Dad married Marla. Second most favorite was when we had the reception for Melania.
Melania: That is not very nice of you, Tiffany.
Tiffany: Well, it’s true.

The Donald: Alright folks. I am glad that you came. Tonight is special – really special. You know that I am not like any other candidates. You know that I am my own man. God is great!
Barron, Tiffany and Don Jr.: Right on Dad. Right on. Sempre fi.
The Donald: Kids, that’s for Marines.
Barron: You did go to the New York Military Academy, didn’t you?
Don, Jr.: And you told people how much you know about military things and stuff.
The Donald: That’s true, but I was a student – not in the service. I tried, but no luck.

Corey, campaign manager: If I may ask, could everyone allow Donald and I to have several minutes alone to discuss tonight’s issues.
Melania: Certainly. Corey, can I stay?
Ivana: Why must I go? There is little that I do not know about Donald. Actually more than Melania.
Corey: I apologize. I do not mean to be rude, but it is very important that Donald and I speak alone.
Friedrich Drumpt: You heard the man. Everyone out!!
Mary Anne, Donald’s Mom: Friedrich, you have not lost your Germanic disposition. I will go when I am ready.
The Donald: Mom. You heard Grandpa. Get out!
Mary Anne, Donald’s Mom: Well, you have some….
Ivanka: Please Grandma, please let’s go.

All family leave the room.

Corey: Donald, what is this special announcement?
The Donald: Oh, nothing much.
Corey: Donald, you know how often you say and do things and I am the last person to know.
The Donald: So?
Corey: I am your campaign manager.
The Donald: So?
Corey: Well as a manager, I need to know what you are thinking. What you are planning.
The Donald: I agree, Corey
Corey: So what about the announcement. What are you planning to announce?
The Donald: Something extremely special, unique. Actually one of a kind.
Corey: What? Tell me what?
The Donald: Well, I know it will be special, and unique and never have happened before.

Corey: Donald – come on now. What the hell are you talking about? You have me worried.
The Donald: Frankly, I am not too sure exactly what I’ll announce. I know it will be outrageous.
Corey: Donald, I cannot let you go out there, and say something outrageous on the last night of the convention. Please Donald what have you on your mind?
The Donald: A lot! Corey, I have so many things on my mind that I cannot even think of any one thing.
Corey: I don’t understand, Donald. What are you saying?
The Donald: Well, I know what I know, but there are things that I do not know – like Rumsfeld has said, there are unknown, knowables. I’ve got both.

Corey: What the hell are you saying? Donald you are making me scared. You are the main man. You are number one. You will be President. What is happening to you?
The Donald: Corey, just relax. You know that I am not like anyone else.
Corey: Yes, I know. We love you for that quality. What about tonight?
The Donald: Well, Corey, I think I’m gonna rest for a few minutes.
Corey: Good idea. But Donald before I go, please tell me – please do not cut me out. Please.
The Donald: Corey. I love you, but please go. Please get out. I need to think.
Corey: Alright, I will go, but please don’t fuck this night up. Please, I beg of you.
The Donald: Thanks Corey. Thanks buddy. I love you. I love America. God bless America.

Two Hours later at the Convention Center.

Donald Trump has just been announced as the Republican candidate for the Presidency of the United States. The audience has been giving him a 20-minute standing ovation. The band is blasting a combination of God Bless America and Rock Island Line.
Donald is standing at the podium. Smiling, waving, smiling, waving and smiling and waving.
Donald raises both arms high. The band stops playing. The audience calms down. The silence is a stark contrast to the prior screaming, almost devotional outbursts.
Donald brushes his golden flocks. He grabs the podium with both hands. He leans forward toward the multiple microphones. And he talks.

The Donald: Ladies and germs, I mean gentlemen. I couldn’t help that one. Ladies and gentlemen. Honored guests, our Wounded Warriors, Police Heroes, and our cherished Priests, Pastors, Rabbis, and those other hooded guys. Only messin. Before I continue, I must thank- no I must honor my family, my wives, and most of all, although they are not here, my staff at Trump Towers, Trump Apartments, Trump Ventures, Trump Casino, Trump University, all my overseas Trump colleagues, and my Thai Trumpets. If I have left anyone out, well tough – Only joking.

I must thank you present at this convention hall and the thousands, no I mean millions of workers, supporters who have worked so very hard for me, and for America. I mean, and you know it – I mean I love America. I love America, more than Ted loves Canada, or Marco loves Cuba. I know that Huckabee loves America, but I honestly think he loves God more. Only foolin. And as for Jeb, I know he and his entire Bush family love Texas, the Lone Ranger, and Tonto. Madam Forina, I must tell you that I have never known a woman as angry as you. If you had won the nomination, Hillary would be chopped liver for you – I mean you would have cut a her a new…. Enough. Once again, God Bless America. Did I say that already? Well anyway, here goes.

Never in my life did I believe that I could be running for the Presidency of the United States. Never did I even have any interest in such an exalted position in our government. I want to be famous, but more I wanted to be rich. So rich that I could do whatever I wanted. So rich that I did not have to depend upon anyone else.

Hillary claims it takes a village. Hillary needs help, but as for me, I did it on my own. I made it happen. I did it The Donald way. You know folks, they say The Pope, The Queen, The Ayatollah, The Lord, and now they say The Donald – would you believe it, The Donald. Everyone knows what that means. It means a man of a single mind, a single direction, honesty, determination, clarity and most of all a sense of himself. Some say I am self-centered – big ego – arrogant – vain. Well, that’s true. So what’s so bad. It has gotten me to this podium. Right. Right in front of the nation, the world. It has gotten me every boy’s dream, and some girls too. I made it happen. Anyone can be President. Anyone! Anyone!

(Audience gives 10 minutes of screaming support – the band strikes up the Battle Hymn of the Republic.)
Donald stands erect, and salutes the flags behind him and waves at the crowd. As the audience calms downs, he takes one of the hand microphones, and walks to the edge of the stage.

(Secret Service guards, quickly front the stage to control any attempts to crowd Donald.)

The Donald: First I want to thank millions of our real citizens, I mean legal citizens, card carrying citizens for their confidence. I truly believe that you have made the right choice – the right man for the job. I have never doubted the end result. I have never doubted my rightful place as the Republican candidate for President. In addition, to be absolutely clear, truthful and with no reservations, I appreciate the nomination. but I decline to be the Republican candidate for the Presidency of the United States of America. It’s not for me. Not my kind of job.

The moan from the crowd is deafening. People shouting. Some fainting: Pandemonium.

The Donald: Let me make it clear, as I always do. You know when I speak, I tell it like it is. I tell it from my heart, and not from my pocketbook, like some others. I am not like other guys. I am The Donald. (crowd cheers). Not for nothing, I will not run as the Republican candidate for the Presidency. As Sinatra has said, “one more time.” I decline the nomination of the Republican Party nomination for President of the USA.

To be honest, which I am, I have never been really interested in being a President of the United States. I am president of lotsa companies. I showed everyone, that anyone can be President. Anyone can try, and become the President. Anyone with character, determination, and a ego can do what I did. It helps to be rich, very rich, and you all know that I am rich – very rich.

I do not want to be President, and to tell the truth, I am not so certain if I have the experience, and knowledge to handle the Presidency. Well, maybe I could, but I run businesses. I build things – lotsa things. Houses, skyscrapers, airports, stores and yes walls – really big walls and I love to make money. I make deals. Not a day goes by that I don’t make, or break a deal. I do what is best for The Donald. It so happens others benefit, but I am mostly interested in making deals and being rich. I mean you know I am rich.

Now, for the nomination, and what we are going to do. I am now ready to make a deal. Not any ordinary deal, but a unique deal, a first time deal. I will offer my support, and the support of the millions of citizens who have supported me, to some other candidate who is willing to make the best deal. This deal is no small potatoes. Remember, I am the master of the deal, so do not think that I come cheap. I am open to offers. I have no particular demand in mind, but believe me, I will only make the deal that is best for The Donald. I know that my announcement is unexpected, but you all know that’s The Donald. The Donald doesn’t do it like others. I cut out of the last debate. I stuck it to Fox. I am not for hire. I do the hiring – thousands of hiring’s, including Mexicans and even Moslems.

I know you are worried, tense and bewitched, bothered and bewildered. The Donald says let’s make a deal. There is plenty of time before election day, but my advice to all of you is to read my book, “Art of the Deal”, before you make any offers, and enter in any negotiations with The Donald.

To those of you in this audience, and the millions of you at home, I only want to say, God Bless America, Canada and Cuba, and not least, the Iowa Evangelicals. Oh, I almost forgot. Sarah you can also make a deal. Thank you, and remember we must make America great again. Don’t forget, The Art of the Deal, at your favorite bookstore, or on Amazon.

The Donald quickly leaves the stage, leaving a bewitched, bothered, and bewildered audience stunned, silent, and teary eyed. The Donald returns to the backstage room now guarded by a dozen Secret Service men. In the room are the assembled family members, and his campaign manager, Corey.

Wife Melania: My Man – I love you so much. No matter what you said, I still love you!
MaryAnn, Donald’s Mom – Me too, Donald. You are still The Donald to me.
The Donald: Thank you Melania. I love you too, and thanks Mom.
All the sons, and daughter: Shout out. “Donald, Donald he’s our man, if Donald won’t do it no one can.”
All in attendance clap, and join in the chant.

Corey, Campaign Manager (teary eyed): Well, you did it. Donald you did it. I mean you did it. Once again the unpredictable. Why, oh why, Donald. Please, if there is a God in heaven, why, oh why??
The Donald: Okay, you want to know why, well I’ll tell you why. I said that I wasn’t too sure I was experienced enough to be President. I said that even though I have the best advisors at my side. I do, I really do. They are the best, smartest good guys.
Corey: But why, why, why?
The Donald: Easy Corey. Just calm down.
Grandpa Friedrich: So what’s wrong. Sounds good to me.

All the children start to cheer: Donald, Donald, he’s our man.
The Donald: Enough, cut it out.
Melania: But Donald we are so sad, we love you so.
Donald’s Mother: God bless you Donald.
The Donald: All of you remember when I was a Democrat. Do you remember when I supported Planned Parenthood, Gay rights, and stuff like that. I gave money to Hillary, and Bill. Actually I gave money to anyone who asked. Who cares what they stand for. I like to be asked for money. I’m rich, and people ask me for money. Do they owe me, maybe yes, maybe no. Mostly yes!

You all know I have never been big on politics, except when my bank accounts were in trouble. Really, I wanted to make America better. Being famous, popular and a television star, I knew that I could win. People like a winner, and they love a star. They like to hear good news. They like to feel like things can get better, and I tell them I am better. Just look what I have done – I mean gonna do. I tell them I will build a wall at the border, and they know I build walls – many walls. I tell them I’ll get the Mexicans to pay for the wall, and they know I get people to pay for lots of things. Like the Chinese. I rent to the Chinese for millions, and they pay on time. I am not politically correct, and they like that. They like that I tell it like it is, or at least the way I think it is. I’m tough, rough and ready like Teddy at the hill in San Juan.

Corey: Donald. What the hell are you talking about? I can’t believe you. You had the Presidency in the palm of your hand. You had it!
Ivana: Corey is right. We were all ready to celebrate, party. Champaign, caviar and pigs in a blanket. Why did you have to decline? Couldn’t you just abdicate when you became President?
Grandfather Friedrich: Ivana, Kings abdicate not Presidents. Where is your head?
Ivana: Well, it is not up my ass, like the rest of you. This is horrendous. Pitiful.
Ivanka: Ivana that is just like you. Always ready to party, to be photographed. You never appreciated the spontaneity of Dad. You never even liked his hairdo. You…
The Donald: That’s enough. Both of you cut it out.
Daughter, Tiffany: True to form Ivana. Always worried about yourself. No wonder Marla won his heart.

The Donald: I said cut it out. What’s done is done. Besides, we are all gonna win – and win big.
Corey: What are you talking about? It’s over. You killed the Golden Goose. You did a Palin. You quit. You’re a quitter!
The Donald: Corey, you are treading, and you know the saying, “Don’t Tread on Me.”
Corey: But you were the man. Millions of devoted voters were there for you. How do you think they feel?
The Donald: Feel. How do they feel? Well, I’ll tell you how they feel. They never enjoyed themselves as much as they have during the campaign. Ten’s of thousands at my rallies. Cheering, crying out their loyalty. And now, maybe a little disappointed. Maybe a lot disappointed, but they now are part of the deal.

Corey: What the hell are you talking about?
The Donald: If you would just relax, and stop whimpering. You are a manager, so act like one.
Don Jr: Millions part of the deal. What do you mean Dad?
The Donald: Here is how it’s gonna go. Some candidate is going offer a deal. Another candidate will counter offer, and maybe three or more offers. Remember, I decide on the deal. Don’t ever forget who is the deal maker. Before I decide on what is best for me, excuse me, I mean best for all the Trumps I will turn to the millions of followers to vote on the best deal.

Corey: You mean the best candidate, don’t you?
The Donald: No way. I couldn’t care less who is the best candidate. Don’t forget, I am the best candidate. Anyone forget that? The Donald was and is the best, and richest candidate. That’s how come I won. Well, maybe I wasn’t the best candidate, I sure am the richest (laughs).
Corey: How to the millions decide? The convention is over. No more caucuses. The election is coming.
The Donald: Who the hell says we can’t have another convention. Any city would love another convention.
Corey: And then what? What happens at the convention?
The Donald: That is easy. Let’s say there are three possible deals on the table. Each candidate announces their deal. The people at the convention vote on what they feel is the best deal for The Donald. When they decide who offers the best deal, and if I agree, that is the Republican candidate for Presidency.
Melania: What if you don’t agree, Donald?
MaryAnn, Mother: Yes, what if the deal is not best for you?
The Donald: Easy. The candidates have to come up with a better deal. That is the Art of the Deal.
Ivanka, daughter: When will you decide? How will you decide?

The Donald: Ivanka, I can see you never read, The Art of the Deal.
Ivanka: I’m sorry, Dad. I haven’t, please forgive me.
Barron, son: (shouts) Dad, I did.
Eric, son: Me too, Dad.
The Donald: Thanks boys.
Grandpa Friedrich: So how do you decide Donald?
The Donald: Good question, Papa. It’s just I know the best deal, when I know it. Remember what I said before the convention, there are known knowables, and also unknown knowables, and actually it isn’t easy to describe the process, whatever. Haven’t I done right all these years? Who tells it like it is? (all cheer, The Donald) Who is gonna take the country back? (all cheer, The Donald) Who is his own man? (All cheer, The Donald) Who gets things done? (All cheer, The Donald). We need victories (all cheer, The Donald), and when they all want money, who do they come to, all cheer “The Donald”.

Ivana: But what about the bankruptcies, and the casino loss? You are not always right.
Tiffany: There you go again. Ivana, you haven’t done so poorly as an ex-wife, have you?
Ivana: That was rude.
Tiffany: Rude, but true.
The Donald: Listen. All of you. We cannot lose. There are men out there who would kill their Mother to be President. Maybe not their Mother, some relative or someone. I have the upper hand. We will win, and win big. The other candidates are ripe for the pickin. Say let’s get to the Champaign, caviar, and pigs in a blanket, whatever that is.

Thomas Golden, Writer’s Cramp, 2016.

“And That’s the Way it Is”

When the press, government officials and sorted other interested parties voice concern as to what Putin has ‘on President Donald Trump” the answer is as follows:
On the evening of November 8, 2013, Donald Trump spent the night with one or more prostitutes in a room at the Ritz Carlton Hotel in Moscow. Donald and the prostitutes engaged in ‘nasty’ behavior including peeing on a bed in that room. The bed was one that had been used by President Obama and his wife Michelle. The FSB, the Russian secret service filmed the event.

“Good night and good luck”

An Aisle, is an Aisle, is an Aisle

Loving couples walk down the aisle, and exchange vows. The invited guests cheer and wish the couple the good luck.

I purchased a ticket to the New York Giant football game against the Cleveland Browns. As I approached the bleacher section Number 14, an attendant walked me down the aisle to seat 23B. I was seated in the midst of rabid Giant fans. The game was great, but my aisle mates made it a unique experience.

Aisle 6, contained the mustard that I needed for the salad dressing. But Aisle 6 was blocked due to a leak in the ceiling. There was a store clerk in the aisle replacing buckets. I asked her to get me a jar of Roland’s Extra Forte mustard. She brought the jar to me and I went to the check-out.

The Aisle seemed rather normal. Perhaps six or eight feet in width. Carpeted, and it ran the length of the chamber to the entrance doors. To the left and right of the aisle were leather upholstered seats. Perhaps several hundred seats. At first glance, one would think that the seats on the right or left of the aisle were available to any person. Not So! Absent any reserved notice, or do not trespass, the aisle represented hallowed ground. Not ground memorializing heroic acts of citizens. Not ground that symbolized good will, respect and fraternity. The aisle was inviolate. All persons entering the chamber, and walking down the aisle knew which side of the aisle was theirs, and not the other side.

Tom Golden, writers cramp, 2018

No Collusion – Just Tweets

Definition: Collusion:  a secret or illegal cooperation or conspiracy in order to deceive others.

“Alright already”. I will accept that there has not been any collusion by any person(s) in the administration, election committee, nuclear family, extended family and assorted friends.

Collusion may be a serious problem for America, but more troublesome is that Donald Trump can tweet. Millions of people tweet, but the original tweeters were birds.

As the song goes, “when my sugar walks down the street, all the little birdies go tweet, tweet, tweet.”  Birdies do their ‘tweeting’ during the daylight hours. “And in the evening when the sun goes down” Donald ‘tweets’ “when no else around” as in the “the wee small hours of the mornin” (Sinatra song).

Donald is likely an insomniac. We will all rest easier, If he were able to enjoy a full nights’ sleep. Donald will not tweet during the daylight hours. Why, you ask? Because Donald Trump is not a bird, but alas, some instincts cross species.

Can you imagine that during his waking hours, and while in attendance at a cabinet meeting, Donald excuses himself and rises to leave.
“Say Mr. President, where are going?”
“Oh, no where special. Just getting some fresh air.”
“But, sir we must decide on the latest strategy for the North Korea missile launch.”
“I will be right back.”
“But sir, can’t you just stay. It won’t take long.”
“ I will be right back- right back.”

The President leaves. After several minutes, the Secretary of State turns to look out the window, and he is startled to see, the President perched on a lower limb of a Sycamore tree. He is holding his cell phone, and you guessed it…..

The End

Follow the Leader

Roy Moore, the likely new senator from Alabama has a very loyal following. Perhaps as many as 30 percent of the citizens of Alabama. That probably equals about 67 voters – they are loyal. The reasons they hold firm in their support of Mr. Moore, are varied, but the most likely reasons are the following: Mr. Moore believes that homosexual behavior is illegal, and so do his followers. Mr. Moore believes in man/woman marriage, and so do his followers. Mr. Moore believes in the right to carry arms, and so do his followers. Mr. Moore believes in preserving the Civil War statues, and so do his followers, and Mr. Moore believes that a ten commandments sculpture should stand on the state capital grounds, and so do his followers. Mr. Moore is a down home, god fearing, family man, and he was fairly granted the Republican candidacy. And one more thing. Mr. Moore is a Republican. Mr. Moore is not a Democrat. The distinction is not only a label. For many the distinction is as profound as that between gay and straight, or Black and White, No and Yes, or a 31-year-old pervert and a 14-year-old cheer leader.

Not a Photo-OP

We are here at the San Juan airport, and await the landing of Air Force One with the President, and the first lady, Melanie. My first reporting assignment, and I can’t tell you how excited I am. This is the first visit of the President to our island. Porto Rico is devastated, and we are looking forward to the President’s visit. Our hope that his stay is not just a photo opportunity, and just another opportunity to gain personal favor with his base. The advance notice suggested that we would all be surprised by the President’s visit.

The plane is just landing. I am trying to get close to the tarmac, but the Black Water security personnel are refusing to allow us to move any closer.  I must tell you, those men look serious, and somewhat mean. I just heard one of them speak to a colleague, and they spoke in German. Another guard was holding a AK 14, and softly singing in Hebrew. Interesting international group of personnel.

The doors of the plane have just opened. Several assistants have exited, and now the President is standing in the doorway, and climbing down the stairs. It is hard to see him clearly, since several aides and guards are standing in my sight line. It appears that the President is wearing what looks like a hard hat. Yes, it is a hard hat. His typical baseball cap seems to be underneath the hard hat.

I am about 30 feet from the President, and I now can clearly see him. He appears to be wearing combat fatigues, and black boots. Around his waist is what looks to be the typical carpenters belt – full of tools. I can see a claw hammer, several chisels and a large tape measure hanging on the right side. He just turned around to answer a MSNBC reporter, and he is carrying a back pack. I can see at the top of the pack what looks like a reciprocal saw, or at least some type of saw. The sight of the President is remarkable. He looks like a walking Tractor Supply. Draped over his right shoulder is a coil of heavy duty rope, with large hooks on each end.  Just beside the rope is a holster with a hatchet. In his left hand he is holding a crow bar that looks to be at least 4 foot long.

I just noticed that the first lady, Melanie Trump has exited the plane and she is also wearing a hard hat. It seems to have a decal of the football Patriots on the side. Holy cow, she too is dressed in a workman suit, but in black with gold trim. She is carrying… I can’t believe it, but I was just told that she is carrying the Jaws of Death machine. The machine that helps cut through steel, or concrete. It is clearly heavy, and a guard with a very heavy Italian accent offered to help her with the equipment, but she has refused.

The President and the First Lady are entering an armored personnel carrier. They have just sped away. No questions have been asked of the President. Clearly, this was not the typical photo op. It appears that the President is here to do something. What, who knows, but hopefully he and his wife will not hurt themselves.

A Parent Interview

On Thursday, October 5th, during her daily White House news briefing, Sarah Huckabee Sanders offered that during the investigation of the massacre at Las Vegas, the FBI, ATM, local authorities, and family members of persons killed or wounded would be included and interviewed as part of the process of investigation. Sarah’s inclusion of family members concerns this writer, and resulted in the following interview.

FBI Agent: Mrs. Pierce, I understand that your daughter was killed at the concert.
Mrs. Alice Pierce: Yes, she was killed. She was only 19 years old. My only child.
FBI Agent: I am so sorry. Can you tell me how you feel at this time.
Mrs. Alice Pierce: Terrible, just terrible.
FBI Agent: Yes, I understand.  I truly understand how you must feel. Can you offer any suggestions about the investigation.
Mrs. Alice Pierce: What do you mean?
FBI Agent: Well, the FBI, and other authorities need your help in the investigation.
Mrs. Alice Pierce: My help? How can I help?
FBI Agent:  Well, do you have any ideas that could help in the investigation?
Mrs. Alice Pierce: Sir, my daughter is dead. My daughter is dead. What do you want from me?
FBI Agent: We think that you and other families may be able to help in the investigation.
Mrs. Alice Pierce: Please, I can’t speak anymore. Please forgive me.
FBI Agent: I understand, but maybe you have some thoughts that could help the investigation.
Mrs. Alice Pierce: I am very sorry, but somehow you haven’t heard me.
FBI Agent: What do you mean, Mrs. Pierce? Can you help in any way?
Mrs. Alice Pierce: Sir, my daughter is dead. Have you no feelings?
FBI Agent: I do, but we think that relatives of the dead can help in the investigation.
Mrs. Pierce: Please, I must go.
FBI Agent: You mean you won’t help. We need your assistance. The FBI, and police can’t do it alone.
Mrs. Alice Pierce: Please.
FBI Agent: So you won’t help – not at all.
Mr. Frank Pierce: Mister – Fuck off!!

“You’ll Know – You’ll See”

President Trump is inclined to hint at his future actions. Trump will tell us that he has very important plans, and joyfully offers little clarity, other than the phrase: “the calm before the storm.” When asked what he means by that phrase, he will say, “you will know.” That lack of clarity, yet foreboding causes some minimal concern in Kingston New York, Bangor, Maine and Des Moines, Iowa. But the concern is much more provocative in….

North Korea: “Considering that the President of the United States has announced that a storm is coming, we have put our armed forces on 24-hour alert.”

Paris, France: “The Prime Minister, has ordered that all French ships near Iranian waters are to immediately return to the nearest French Ports.”

Ottawa, Canada: The Defense Minister declared: “We have learned that the President of the United States has declared that he will be making a decision that sounds rather ominous. In that light, we will be closing the Peace Bridge at 1400 hours on Sunday to all traffic entering from the United States.”

Teheran, Iran: “We have every reason to believe that the President of the United States intends to cancel the Iranian Treaty. As such we will immediately initiate the rehabilitation of all equipment that is needed for our nuclear production.”

Caracas, Venezuela: “Citizens of Venezuela, we have long feared that the United States is prepared to invade our territorial waters. President Trump has stated that a “storm” is coming. In the light of his threatening comments about our nation, we are ordering our Navy to intercept any naval vessel of the United States that enters our waters.”

Secretary General of the United Nations: “I have informed the members of the Security Council that we will meet tomorrows morning to discuss the implications of President’s Trumps announcement that portends some harmful international event is likely to occur. We have absolutely no idea as to the meaning of “calm before the storm”, but I have no other choice but to require an immediate gathering.”

A Presidential Plea

December 15, 2017

Dear Mr. President,
I trust that you and your family are well. I have delayed writing this letter, but I fear that I may have waited too long. We understand that your nation’s military is the most powerful in the world.  We are grateful that you have protected our interests for many years since the armistice. About North Korea, you have repeatedly stated that “all options are on the table”.

I understand your need to demonstrate that the United States will not be threatened by any nation. I truly appreciate your need to protect your land and your people. As president of South Korea, I am also responsible for the welfare of my people.

I implore you to resist any military option in response to North Korea. I hope that you understand that regardless of what you, or North Korea do, my people are doomed. We will be the first and major casualties of any combat.

Mr. President, I trust that you understand that the peoples of North and South Korea are basically all Korean. We all speak Korean. Many of us have family and friends on both sides of the demilitarized zone. I have never told you, but my favorite aunt and uncle live in Pyongyang. My half-brother is an air force pilot, and the god-father of my daughter. He teaches Sunday school in Nampo.

Forget about my family, and please imagine the death and wounded toll that we will suffer should war befall the Korean peninsula. I am not a pacifist, but as Mr. John Lennon has said, ‘give peace a chance.”

Sincerely yours,

Moon Jae-in
President of the Republic of South Korea



And the Bible says…

Matthew 25:35 – For I was hungry, and you gave me food, I was thirsty, and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me.

Galatians 5:14 – For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

Exodus 12:49 – There shall be one law for the native and for the stranger who sojourns among you.”

Leviticus 19:34 – You shall treat the stranger who sojourns with you  as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the Lord Your God.


“You’ll Know – You’ll See”

President Trump is inclined to hint at his future actions. Trump will tell us that he has very important plans, and joyfully offers little clarity, other than the phrase: “the calm before the storm.” When asked what he means by that phrase, he will say, “you will know.” That lack of clarity, yet foreboding causes some minimal concern in Kingston New York, Bangor, Maine and Des Moines, Iowa. But the concern is much more provocative in….

North Korea: “Considering that the President of the United States has announced that a storm is coming, we have put our armed forces on 24-hour alert.”

Paris, France: “The Prime Minister, has ordered that all French ships near Iranian waters are to immediately return to the nearest French Ports.”

Ottawa, Canada: The Defense Minister declared: “We have learned that the President of the United States has declared that he will be making a decision that sounds rather ominous. In that light, we will be closing the Peace Bridge at 1400 hours on Sunday to all traffic entering from the United States.”

Teheran, Iran: “We have every reason to believe that the President of the United States intends to cancel the Iranian Treaty. As such we will immediately initiate the rehabilitation of all equipment that is needed for our nuclear production.”

Caracas, Venezuela: “Citizens of Venezuela, we have long feared that the United States is prepared to invade our territorial waters. President Trump has stated that a “storm” is coming. In the light of his threatening comments about our nation, we are ordering our Navy to intercept any naval vessel of the United States that enters our waters.”

Secretary General of the United Nations: “I have informed the members of the Security Council that we will meet tomorrows morning to discuss the implications of President’s Trumps announcement that portends some harmful international event is likely to occur. We have absolutely no idea as to the meaning of “calm before the storm”, but I have no other choice but to require an immediate gathering.”

Tom Golden, 2017, writers cramp