Tears…

Brett Kavanaugh cried during the Senate investigation. Brett Kavanaugh’s emotional breakdown had its roots in his overwhelming guilt for a criminal assault of a defenseless teenage woman. Brett Kavanaugh’s impassioned denial of any wrong doing reflected a distraught person who could not accept the truth of his painful history. Brett Kavanaugh has been characterized by many persons as a decent person. Yet a man whose life history has been scared by past years of delinquent behavior. The angst that he displayed at the Senate hearings was not a denial of the truth of Christine Ford’s account, but rather an anguished attempt to suppress his guilt. Mr. Kavanaugh can be damned for his lie, but Brett Kavanaugh deserves our sympathy and even our empathy. Empathy for a man who should have never allowed himself to be in contention for a Supreme Court appointment. Perhaps a feeling of entitlement, a need for recognition, or approval allowed him to accept the nomination. Whatever his motives or other influences, he ignored the possibility that his blemished history would become public.

Brett Kavanaugh was ill prepared to cope with the revelations of that abusive history. A man who under ordinary circumstances could cope with the normal stresses of life. The demands of the Senate investigation and the charges that he faced were not normal, and beyond his coping skills. Brett was incapable of controlling his despair, and terror. Brett could not suppress his anguish. Brett was hostile, oppositional, and outright rude. He had no choice but to lie. Brett Kavanaugh may become a Supreme Court justice, but he will never forgive himself. He will forever be tormented by his guilt.

The Asterisk

While riding down the New Jersey Turnpike, I noticed on the right-hand side a huge billboard with a photo of the newly appointed associate justice of the Supreme Court, Brett Kavanaugh. The Justice had his right hand on a Bible. Just above his head was a large asterisk.
When we see an asterisk we usually scan the item to see what the asterisk refers to. Try and scan a billboard on the New Jersey Turnpike while driving at 65 miles per hour. I was able to pull on to the right shoulder. As with most writing following an asterisk, the print was quite small. I climbed over the guard rails to get a closer view.

* “Supreme Court Associate Justice Brett Kavanaugh has allegedly fondled a 15 year old classmate when he was 17 years of age. Judge Kavanaugh has allegedly revealed his penis, and requested it be kissed by a college classmate while at Yale University. Judge Kavanaugh has been accused of participating in “gang rape” of high school girls. Judge Kavanaugh has been accused of excessive drinking that resulted in sexually assaultive behavior while in high school. In his mid-thirties, Judge Kavanaugh has been accused of attempted sexual assault of an adult female in the streets of Washington, D.C. It must be noted that none of the drinking or sexual allegations have been proven in a court of law.”
Tom Golden, PhD. Copyright, 2018

One Side of a Story

Does every story have more than one side? Can there be a story with only one side? Soon, you and I are likely to hear a story with only one side.
Dr. Ford will tell her story about the alleged assault when she was 15 years of age. Dr. Ford is asked that she tell her “side of the story.” We can assume that Dr. Ford will detail “her story.” After Dr. Ford tells her story, Brett Kavanaugh will tell his “side of the story.” Therein lies the problem. There appears to be only one side of the story. Brett Kavanaugh has repeatedly stated that he has no side of a story. Brett Kavanaugh does not have any story to tell. Brett Kavanaugh says there is no story. Brett Kavanaugh denies that an event of any sort has ever occurred – never, not ever. On the day of testimony, we will hear one story, that told by Dr. Ford. Brett Kavanaugh will have nothing to say since the event never occurred. We will have to live with just one story – the Dr. Ford Story. We would not demand of Brett Kavanaugh that he invent a story. Perhaps he could develop a story of how come he has no story to tell. That would be an interesting exercise. Follow me….

Senate Judiciary Room, Washington, D.C. – September 27, 2018.
Sen. Hatch: Judge Kavanaugh could you please tell us how come you have no story to tell?
Judge Kavanaugh: What is it that you would like me to do? I am unclear about your request.
Sen. Hatch: Oh, I’m sorry, I was…. (interrupted by Sen. Grassley)
Sen. Grassley: Please allow me to clarify what Sen. Hatch is requesting.
Judge Kavanaugh: Fine, thank you.
Sen. Grassley: Judge, please tell the panel just exactly why you have no story to tell.
Judge Kavanaugh: Certainly, Senator. I was thinking that I should be able to explain why I have no story. Since Dr. Ford has told her story, I should be able to tell a side of a story.
Sen. Hatch: Great. Now we are getting somewhere.
Judge Kavanaugh: To the best of my recollection, I have absolutely no recollection of anything, or any person that Dr. Ford identifies. Particularly Dr. Ford. I do not know her at all.
Sen. Grassley: So, is that the reason why you have no story to tell?
Judge Kavanaugh: Exactly. I mean, I could make up a story of how come I have no story to tell, but that would be difficult – rather unique.
Sen. Hatch: No, I do not want you to make up any story, even if the story is about why you have no story to tell.
Sen. Leahy: Sen. Grassley, I must have a moment, please.
Sen. Grassley: Certainly, Sen. Leahy.
Sen. Leahy: I am listening very intently, and at this moment I am feeling sick to my stomach.
Sen. Booker: Me too!
Sen. Harris: Mr. Kavanaugh, could you please tell exactly what you know.
Sen. Grassley: Sen. Harris, you were not recognized.
Sen. Harris: Perhaps not by you, but by the millions watching on television.
Sen. Grassley: Senator, please respect the chair.
Sen. Durbin: She does respect the chair. It is the finest that Ethan Allan can manufacture.
Sen. Hatch: Not funny. Everyone, please calm down. Let us continue with Judge Kavanaugh.
Sen. Leahy: The Judge is done. He has nothing to say. He cannot speak to an event that never occurred. That is, it!!
Sen. Harris: All we have is the testimony of Dr. Ford. She swears that the events occurred. Brett Kavanaugh has nothing to offer.
With that Sen. Grassley bangs the gavel and calls a recess…… and at that moment, both Dr. Ford and Brett Kavanaugh cry out, “tell us your decision. Tell us now!!!”
Sen. Hatch: Calls the Sergeant at Arms to clear the room.
Sen. Grassley: Hatch, I will call the Sergeant. I am chairman – not you.
Sen. Hatch: Whatever!!!

(Tom Golden, 2018)

How Come

Naomi Osaka won the 2018 US Open. The news repeats that she is the first Japanese person to win a tennis championship. That she is the first Japanese to win a tennis championship is a fact, but more important is how come she won the match against Serena. Naomi has mixed ethnic parenting. Naomi’s Mother is Japanese, and her Father is Haitian. The birthright is interesting, but why the emphasis on Japanese. The publicity given to champion athletes about their nationality is rather trivial, and yet seemingly people want, or need to know. The Olympics constantly reminds us of the nationality of the talented athletes. An innocent viewer of the Olympic games would think that Sri Lanka won the mile run, or that the nation of Finland broke the speed racing record.

It is important to know the how come of a persons’ actions, or events. There were dinosaurs, and no more dinosaurs. How come? Florida is drowning – how come? Sam was in the ICU, eating breakfast, and died. How come? And Ms. Osaka won the 2018 US Open – how come?

Walking and Talking

I was turning onto my street to park my car, when I noticed a young woman crossing at the opposite corner. She was talking on her cell phone. After parking my car, I sat for several moments thinking about the woman and her talking on the cell phone. before cell phones, what did I do when I was walking? Besides looking where I was going, did I talk? Did I talk to myself? At times did I talk out loud? As a child if I ever saw a person that seemed to be talking to himself, I knew the person was crazy. Stay away from him! During the early days of the cell phone, it was not easy to tell if a person was talking out loud, into a hidden microphone, or nuts. Whether a hidden microphone or a visible cell phone, the isolate walker was talking.
 
I could not hear the walking talker since I was in my car. Often, I can hear the person talking on their cell phone. Cell phone talking is ubiquitous. There is someone talking on the cell phone in the grocery, coffee shop, elevator, dentist waiting room, airport lounge, and in the backrow at a burial ground, The talker has no interest in privacy. The cell phone talker could care less if you hear every spoken word. It may be, that the talker delights in having an audience. “Hey, look me over, lend me an ear…”.
 
But, back to pre-cell phone days. I know that I am always talking to myself whether I am walking, or stationary. I am talking to myself without any response. I am speaking to an audience of one – me. Boring, no. I am never bored when I am talking to myself. I have innumerable images, feelings, sensations and ideas. I could, if I had company express much of what I was saying to myself, but I don’t have the need. There are times when I would like to speak to another person, or that I must speak to someone else. But not always. For most of my waking hours, I am quite comfortable talking to myself, as in the following private conversations:
 
“I am hungry, and it’s almost noon. I think I’ll go to the bagel shop. No, I better get my hair cut, before the salon closes. What day is it? Is the salon open today? The place is always packed on Tuesday. Oh, the bagel shop is closed. The sign says on holiday until June 6. Damn it! Pizza, I’ll get a slice.”
 
OR……. “Harry is never going to pay what he owes me. I don’t give a shit. He’s tight for funds, as usual and I like him. I like his wife even more. She is stunning, and, well- I think I must go to see Mitchell. I have a pain in my right knee.”
 
OR…….” That fuckin president. I can’t stand him and the rest of the politicians- what the hell are they doing. Wow, that cab almost hit that dog.”
 
Most of the time, when I talk to myself, it is rather mundane. Most of my thoughts would not be of interest to anyone. The thoughts are not crude, or insightful, but rather commonplace, and allow me to get through the day, and night. Should I have thoughts that are particularly meaningful, I would tell a trusted family member or friend.
 
So, what more can I say about the walking and talking that is the marvel of the cell phone. I assume that if the cell phone talker was with their listener, the conversation would be like that on the cell phone. That may not be the case. With the technology of today, as in texting, email and cell phone one does not have the feedback of face to face communication. No angry stare, sneer, smile, twinkle, blush, nod, look aside, or even turn away.
 
Why the need to speak to someone from the moment of waking to sleep? Why are people so needy of constant verbal contact with another person? Was this always that case? Did we realize how deprived we were of immediate human contact? Has the invention of the portable cell phone allowed us to fulfill a constant need to affiliate? The need to be certain that we count – that we matter. The cell phone has eliminated the dreaded state of alone. Alone with our thoughts, feelings, and desires. Alone with me, with I, with life.
 
Tom Golden, May, 2018

The Gettysburg Address, Circa 2017

Ladies and Gentleman it is my honor to introduce the President of the United States, President Lincoln…

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth, upon this continent, a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Announcer:Just a brief break:

“Folks, it can happen to all of us as we age. Elderly dementia patients taking Albuminide have an increased risk of death or stroke. Please call your doctor if you believe that you are having a stroke that is not good. Sometimes your sugar levels will unintentionally rise with Albuminide, and coma can result. Enjoy success, and health with Albuminide.”

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived, and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle field of that war.

 Announcer:  We will be right back.

“ Does it seem that life insurance is more complicated than finding a needle in a haystack. Well with LifeExtend Insurance, there is no need to find a haystack. LifeExtend Insurance has the needle for you. Just call: 677-776-8777 for you 60 day no obligation coverage.”

We come to dedicate a portion of it, as a final resting place for those who died here, that the nation might live. This we may, in all propriety do. But, in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate we cannot consecrate we cannot hallow, this ground The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have hallowed it, far above our poor power to add or detract.

Announcer: return in a minute.

“ Pets are not just another animal. Remember healthy pets are long lasting friends. “ Delicate Grub” is all natural, like spring water, and pure air.” Delicate Grub” answers the most complete nutritional needs of any pet, even your python. Remember “Delicate Grub” is real food, and not only for your pet.”

The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here; while it can never forget what they did here. It is rather for us, the living, we here be dedicated to the great task remaining before us that, from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they here, gave the last full measure of devotion.

Announcer: Mr. President, we will return in a moment.

“ Privates” is the only feminine hygiene product that not only disinfects, but actually eliminates any source of toxic odors. “Privates” is the one product that even can be used for your young daughter after the ‘accident’. Available at all drug and groceries, both Kosher and Non Kosher. “

That we here highly resolve these dead shall not have died in vain; that the nation, shall have a new birth of freedom, and that government of the people. by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

Words Are Not So Easy

Grandson: Papa, I like democracy. Do you like democracy?
Grandpa: Of course I do.
Grandson: Is that like Democratic.
Grandpa: Why do you ask?
Grandson: My friend told me that Democratic was bad. He said that Republican was good.
Grandpa: Well, son, democracy is really good. Democratic is not exactly the same.
Grandson:  But they sound almost the same. Grandpa, is it good to be right?
Grandpa:  Yes. I guess so. Why do you ask?
Grandson: My friend told me that the left is really very good, and the right is not.
Grandpa: Well words are not so easy.
Grandson: I know that I’m going to be democratic, and I want to be right.
Grandpa: Sounds good son – just fine.
Grandson: I love you Grandpa.
Grandpa: I love you too.

The BASE

The President has his Base. I also have a Base. In fact, I have two Bases’. One Base is Chicken, and the other is a Beef Base.  Each Base is totally reliable, and constant in performance. The ingredients in each Base are almost identical, except for the chicken content in one Base, and beef content in the other.

All politicians have a Base. The President’s Base is notably reliable, and remarkably constant in the results. The President can comfortably use his Base and count on the success of the basic ingredients. The basic ingredients of bigoty, fear, economic need, xenophobia, intolerance, hysteria, idolatry, and ignorance. To that Base, The President mixes lies, arrogance, impulsiveness, incoherence, adolescent sexuality, and fragility. The President’s Base is quite powerful, and can be used in varied situations, and to satisfy many tastes.  Hail to the Chief, I mean Chef as we eat our way to nauseum.

Tom Golden, Ph.D. writers cramp,2017

Uncharted Waters

Today, February 9, 2017, Senator Mark Warner of the great state of Virginia stated that, “we are in uncharted waters.” Other political leaders and commentators have said phrases of a similar sort, e.g. “This is a new day,” and “Little seems the same.” and most painful, “It is difficult to know what to do – so many things are changing daily,”

Fellow Americans, the only person in the entire country that is “uncharted” is the President of the United States. The only citizen who can change opinion, desires, attitudes on a “daily”, or “hourly” basis is Donald Trump – Our pathologically disturbed President.

Perhaps, Senator Warner, and his colleagues feel that they are in “uncharted waters.” I feel sorry for them. It must be difficult for them to remember right from wrong, or truth versus lies. Have Senator Warner and ‘friends’ (those in Congress always refer to one another as ‘friend’) lost their moral compass and as such cannot distinguish between ill-will and respect. Have they totally suppressed or deny the teachings of their parents, teachers, church leaders? That Donald Trump resembles a buoy bobbing in the sea is not my fate. That Donald Trump is troubled by demons that deny him guidance and safety, is not my state of mind, nor body. I fear not uncharted waters, not because of some exquisite seamanship, but because of my humanity.

WPRD Nightly Quiz Show

President Trump: Puerto Rico is an island. A big island surrounded by water, big water.
Announcer: Correct. Mr. President. Now for the next question. What is the difference between Long Island and Ellis Island?
President Trump: Well that’s another island question. I like island questions. I really like Long Beach Island. My friend, Chris Christy has a home on LBI. That’s Long Beach Island if you like – I really like it a lot, it’s just great. Big, huge, and right on the water. Real salty ocean water. I like water in a lake. Do you?
Announcer: Mr. President, about the difference between Long Island and Ellis Island?
President Trump: Okay, you are stuck on island stuff. That’s o.k. Ellis Island is for refugees, lotsa of refugees from all over the world. Not from Iraq, or Syria, or Sri Lanka. Say did you ever visit Sri Lanka?
Announcer: Mr. President. No, I have never been to Sri Lanka. Now for Long Island.
President Trump: What about Long Island? It’s nice – real nice. Just near Jones Beach, and Fire Island.
Announcer: Forget that question. Just one more question that was submitted by a Mr. Omar Quor.
President Trump: What did you say?
Announcer: Mr. Omar Quor sent in a question for you.
President Trump: What is the question?
Announcer: Mr. Quor asks if you will release your tax return.
President: Who is this Omar person?
Announcer: He is a listener to our show.
President: Is this show on line? Is this being broadcast?
Announcer: Of course, Mr. President. Didn’t your daughter tell you that we would be broadcasting a quiz with the President.
President: Who?
Announcer: Your daughter, Ivanka said that you would be pleased to be on the show.
President: Well I’ll tell you something I love my daughter, Kelley Ann and even Rachel Maddow.
Announcer: Yes?
President: That’s it. I love a lot of people. Even not in my family. I even love you.
Announcer: Thank you – thank you Mr. President.
President: Say, you can call me Donald, or you can call me anytime. Get it? Call me anytime!

Tom golden, writer’s cramp, September 2017

The Weather Superman and Woman

The recent storms of Harvey and Irma have produced broadcasters the likes of which we have not known since World War II. No, now our front-line reporters are the brave men and women of the weather reporting media, state and federal weather bureaus.

One hundred and fifty-five miles per hour winds. Drenching rains, carrying millions of grains of beach sand. Sand that sting the faces of the weather persons. “I feel as though I was getting a skin abrasion treatment. Oh, that hurts.” Another reported standing on a pier, just alongside the Miami River, slipped on a cement block, and fortunately did not hit the water. Other reporters braving unpredictable ‘catastrophic’ wind gusts, and yet standing just three feet from the safety of a concrete parking garage, and the warmth of a massive GM SUV.

They report on the rain, and Palm trees swaying. The program directors request more shots of the rain, and flooded streets. The producers and television directors ignore the fact that we can see the rain, and the Palm trees bending. We can hear the howling wind. We see the waves, white caps and the boats floundering in their moorings, or out to sea. The camera tells us all we need to know, without the added thrill, and death defying heroism of the weather reporters. How much danger do the reporters need to suffer to keep the television ratings on the rise? What kind of harm do we have to see, before the ‘entertainment’ portion of the weather report is satisfied?

Tom Golden, Writer’s Cramp, 2017

A Name…

A NAME is important. A NAME is more than a label. A NAME tells us something about the person. Take buildings for an example. There are no buildings with a NAME such as: I, or ME, or US. Nor are there clothing labels that declare: IT, or MINE, or WE.  There are many structures that do carry a label, a real NAME.

For some persons, their NAME is important. To have a NAME recognized is food for their ego. Others have never expressed a desire to have public recognition of their NAME. In fact, Ulysses Grant never asked for a memorial to his NAME, nor did George Washington desire to have a city, or monument bear his NAME. Martin Luther King, never asked for an avenue named after him, nor did Francis Albert Sinatra ask for a “Way” in Hoboken, New Jersey.

And now for persons who have a fervent, spinal need for their NAME to be recognized by every inhabitant of the world. A person who needs his NAME on apartment and office building(s), Casinos, and golf courses. Such a person is our President Donald Trump. To have his NAME plastered for all to see, both in the United States and in foreign lands is a basic need, as is the need for food and water.

President Trump clearly enjoys the sight of his NAME in public places. BUT, there is one labelling of which he is most desirous. Donald Trump needs – a need beyond measure, to have his NAME on a health bill.

A modest proposal. The Congress, both parties, must make the needed corrections in Obama Care, and then NAME the bill as: TRUMP CARE. TRUMP CARE logos must be placed in every medical facility, pharmacy. Every auto sold, should carry a bumper sticker announcing TRUMP CARE. Only then will the Donald achieve some sense of comfort. Only then will Donald be able to sleep thru the night, and not resort to tweets.

The End

Thomas Golden, Writer’s Cramp, September ,2017.

Did I Say That?

 

And now, the President of the United States – Donald Trump

“Thank you for the invitation, and the great welcome by such a great audience. I mean great – really great. First, I must give my thanks to the representatives who have come from far and wide. Very far. Not around the corner. Sometimes I wonder how come people come at all. I mean why do they come. I mean it, why? Then I say to myself that they really care. Not only do they care, but they really care – really. I say it, they care.

We are gathered today to celebrate the most important day of the month of October. You may not believe it, but all my life – I mean a long, long time, I loved Halloween. The fake news, all those fake news people sitting in the back. You see them – the fake people of the fake news. Say hello to the camera, you fake people. Forget them, I mean they love to hear me say fake news. Then they can say I called them fake news persons, love it, they love it. So, Halloween is a simple holiday. No religion, no racial things, just fun, fun. Real fun. You betta believe the fake news, yeh the ones in the back. Say cameraman, show the fake news persons. Okay forget it. They know they are fakers. The fake networks will say that President Trump made a big deal about Halloween. Yeh, that’s what they will say. I did make a big deal – it is a big deal for millions of my friends in Alabama, Ohio and mostly Pennsylvania. Would you believe I won Ohio, and Pennsylvania? Would you believe it. Believe it. Oh, poor Hillary, poor Hillary. What a bad candidate- really bad, so bad.

I have got to go to Mara Lago tonight. Big night there and thousands of kids -thousands are coming for their candy. Lotsa candy and things. Would you believe it thousands and with their mom and dad? Not just kids, but mom and dad, and maybe others. Thank you very much. A lot.”

Tom Golden, Writers Cramp, 2017

Ode To Jackson Pollack

 

Words spoken, misunderstood, hopeless treasures in the mind somehow unkind. Some of us are pretty straight, never to falter or bend. Pistons in motion with the power releasing. Heat created a thrill that’s worth the ride so stop dreaming. With the throttle, full out, and time to spare. You are all show, and no go when you offer your surface – your visible. Unexpressed timeless words part of the rhyme. Caught by the breeze, lost, never found. The spoken word.

The inside is never, no never to be seen. The sands of time draining away. And now in my fretful years and off to Coventry I’m sent. One sunset at a time. Leaves turning, falling. Watch there are so many reasons yet none to explain. The questions are deep within the depths of my soul. What season will they ever change? For here is the Orwellian spiritual world. And in this very space other stand slightly saddened. The passions within my breast are vibrating and screaming. Are they apart of or are they the whole? Dizzy from the spiral past, from which the arc angel fell. Gliding on the air in the moment.

Who you are is more so than what you are. Anything man has written about our consciousness; our purpose in this realm exists but he’s probably wrong most of the time. But if you can think and reason a little you’ll know that thinking it lots of fun. The best I had in a while. Seems the suns going down in style. Colors of every shade. Flowing clouds blanketing the sky. Drifting through wind storms leave your fears behind, don’t overreach yourself.

Now I may not know all possibilities. My navigation, my compassing, my mapping full of hope and desire, but wrong. My faith hoping, sinking. Marking this day. I couldn’t forget no matter how I tried, Pandora. Music to my ears, listening to the Stone, Nirvana, and songs like Tears Without Fears. When I put the sound up my frustrations disappear and I find myself dreaming. Does it matter. Creativity trumps creations. Curiosity trumps all.

The end…

 

What Did He Say??

 

Fellow Americans, I welcome the opportunity to speak with you tonight. I would like to take this opportunity to clarify our current policies, positions, and potential possibilities. You are all well aware that we are once again engaged overseas in a major struggle. We know that the reason we are there is to establish, that is to re-establish, a democratic state. In no way do we want to destabilize the existing democratic institutions. We are fully committed to the basic principles of independence and national sovereignty. Nonetheless, we will not tolerate the continued dismantling of a system of government, that has clearly been supported by major segments of the population.

As stated previously, and by various members of the government, our primary role has been and continues to be that of a mediator, and not one of a decision maker. This has been a difficult role to fulfill considering our lack of primacy in this crisis situation. As always, we must be ever vigilant so as to avoid the perception of favoritism, or antagonism toward each of the participants, whomever they may be. This role is not without inherent dangers. Once a commitment is made, we are then obligated to a total and indeterminate stake in whatever outcomes prevail.

I know that you can appreciate the profound implications of a rather complex situation. But never doubt the will of a nation, and the will of people to determine their own destiny. A destiny that would never have been fulfilled were it not for the dedication, and other things that happen to each of us – I mean all of us. When a public becomes too knowledgeable in the ways of resistance, we have to stop, look, and listen. We have to be able to grab the means of power, and grab the bull by its horns and other animals also.

Don’t forget that. The most base, animal instincts within us, can show their colors on any day, or moment in time. Just give me one moment in time, and I will show you how we got there. Getting there is half the battle. The other half, surprisingly, is not equal to the first half. Obviously, such a simple explanation is too difficult to understand, especially when we feel a sense of confusion regarding what we are saying and doing. To fight for the right, without stumble or pause, and to march into hell for a heavenly cause is not easy for the uncommitted among us.

We must seek a way, any way to get out of here. We must begin at the beginning and not be midway toward the final goal and conclusion. You must believe me when I say, with all my heart and soul, that we will never gain a foothold in a democratic system of justice without a sheriff. That was how we tamed the west, and never let it be said that we weren’t defeated more than once and still came back.

Perhaps you are still doubting the basic premise, whatever that is. Well, do not despair, we have not reached the eleventh hour yet. It is only 10:30. Well, you know what I mean. I mean that we have not yet begun to fight. We will take flight when we are good and ready, and not before – remember that! When we are ready, you will feel it as I do now, and I am not ready to commit fully to anything.

I feel so lonely as I speak to you. It is so difficult to give this speech. I was up quite late last night writing this speech. My wife, told me to get some sleep. I said that I would, but instead I had another cup of expresso.  Boy, was I exhausted. I finally went to bed at 4:30 in the morning. I guess I should have edited my speech. Proof reading really does help. I have never been so confused in my life, but I hope you feel the same about me. Being your president, your commander in chief, isn’t easy. Bass fishing isn’t easy either but at least you can eat what you catch. (Giggle)

Ya know, when I was a young boy, I was asked to give a speech to my scout troop. The topic was what I was going to be when I grew up. I wanted to be a plumber, I couldn’t tell the troop that, so I said I wanted to be a President. I didn’t mean commander in chief. I meant I wanted to own my own plumbing supply company. I would be president of Bush’s Bushings and Washers Inc. But it all went south. I stand before you, and I am in a lot of trouble. We are in a mess. I must leave you right now. I am very tired – really bushed (giggle). Tomorrow, I think I am going to declare war. It is the best that I can do. If I don’t declare war tomorrow, I might never have another chance during my administration. Every President I know has either declared a war, fought a war, or ended a war, or wished he had done so. For those of you who are still awake, I say goodnight. For those of you who have fallen asleep or changed the dial on your television, I wish you a happy holiday season. I’ve got to go. Happy New War! Just messin! Happy New Year, I am so tired…