Not a Photo-OP

We are here at the San Juan airport, and await the landing of Air Force One with the President, and the first lady, Melanie. My first reporting assignment, and I can’t tell you how excited I am. This is the first visit of the President to our island. Porto Rico is devastated, and we are looking forward to the President’s visit. Our hope that his stay is not just a photo opportunity, and just another opportunity to gain personal favor with his base. The advance notice suggested that we would all be surprised by the President’s visit.

The plane is just landing. I am trying to get close to the tarmac, but the Black Water security personnel are refusing to allow us to move any closer.  I must tell you, those men look serious, and somewhat mean. I just heard one of them speak to a colleague, and they spoke in German. Another guard was holding a AK 14, and softly singing in Hebrew. Interesting international group of personnel.

The doors of the plane have just opened. Several assistants have exited, and now the President is standing in the doorway, and climbing down the stairs. It is hard to see him clearly, since several aides and guards are standing in my sight line. It appears that the President is wearing what looks like a hard hat. Yes, it is a hard hat. His typical baseball cap seems to be underneath the hard hat.

I am about 30 feet from the President, and I now can clearly see him. He appears to be wearing combat fatigues, and black boots. Around his waist is what looks to be the typical carpenters belt – full of tools. I can see a claw hammer, several chisels and a large tape measure hanging on the right side. He just turned around to answer a MSNBC reporter, and he is carrying a back pack. I can see at the top of the pack what looks like a reciprocal saw, or at least some type of saw. The sight of the President is remarkable. He looks like a walking Tractor Supply. Draped over his right shoulder is a coil of heavy duty rope, with large hooks on each end.  Just beside the rope is a holster with a hatchet. In his left hand he is holding a crow bar that looks to be at least 4 foot long.

I just noticed that the first lady, Melanie Trump has exited the plane and she is also wearing a hard hat. It seems to have a decal of the football Patriots on the side. Holy cow, she too is dressed in a workman suit, but in black with gold trim. She is carrying… I can’t believe it, but I was just told that she is carrying the Jaws of Death machine. The machine that helps cut through steel, or concrete. It is clearly heavy, and a guard with a very heavy Italian accent offered to help her with the equipment, but she has refused.

The President and the First Lady are entering an armored personnel carrier. They have just speeded away. No questions have been asked of the President. Clearly, this was not the typical photo op. It appears that the President is here to do something. What, who knows, but hopefully he and his wife will not hurt themselves.

Tom Golden, writers cramp, September 2017.

WPRD Nightly Quiz Show

President Trump: Puerto Rico is an island. A big island surrounded by water, big water.
Announcer: Correct. Mr. President. Now for the next question. What is the difference between Long Island and Ellis Island?
President Trump: Well that’s another island question. I like island questions. I really like Long Beach Island. My friend, Chris Christy has a home on LBI. That’s Long Beach Island if you like – I really like it a lot, it’s just great. Big, huge, and right on the water. Real salty ocean water. I like water in a lake. Do you?
Announcer: Mr. President, about the difference between Long Island and Ellis Island?
President Trump: Okay, you are stuck on island stuff. That’s o.k. Ellis Island is for refugees, lotsa of refugees from all over the world. Not from Iraq, or Syria, or Sri Lanka. Say did you ever visit Sri Lanka?
Announcer: Mr. President. No, I have never been to Sri Lanka. Now for Long Island.
President Trump: What about Long Island? It’s nice – real nice. Just near Jones Beach, and Fire Island.
Announcer: Forget that question. Just one more question that was submitted by a Mr. Omar Quor.
President Trump: What did you say?
Announcer: Mr. Omar Quor sent in a question for you.
President Trump: What is the question?
Announcer: Mr. Quor asks if you will release your tax return.
President: Who is this Omar person?
Announcer: He is a listener to our show.
President: Is this show on line? Is this being broadcast?
Announcer: Of course, Mr. President. Didn’t your daughter tell you that we would be broadcasting a quiz with the President.
President: Who?
Announcer: Your daughter, Ivanka said that you would be pleased to be on the show.
President: Well I’ll tell you something I love my daughter, Kelley Ann and even Rachel Maddow.
Announcer: Yes?
President: That’s it. I love a lot of people. Even not in my family. I even love you.
Announcer: Thank you – thank you Mr. President.
President: Say, you can call me Donald, or you can call me anytime. Get it? Call me anytime!

Tom golden, writer’s cramp, September 2017

I Represent…

Recently I heard a congressman state the following: “Get this straight. I was elected by my constituents. I was chosen by those citizens to represent their concerns, and that is my duty under the constitution. So when you ask me how did I feel about the Alabama election of Mr. Brown to the United States Senate I stated that he is responsible to his constituents, as am I. That Mr. Brown has stated that September 11 deaths were due to God punishing us for the issue of homosexuality, that is for his voter’s concern. I have my voters to consider.”

What about national issues. is the President the only person in government who is answerable to all of us? Why isn’t any representative elected responsible to all of us, regardless of district, and party?

There is a world of difference between a Politician and a Statesman. The Politician represents their residents. The Statesman represents all. Pitifully, the Congress of the United States is populated by Politicians. There are no Statesman.

Thomas Golden, Ph.D.
30 Riveredge Road
Tenafly, New Jersey 07670
201-567-1913

Hurray for Bipartisanship

On Wednesday, September 27, the Congress of the United States displayed a fervent, unanimous welcome to Representative Scalise of Louisiana. Congressman Scalise has recovered from a near death shooting, and entered the hallowed halls to 20 minutes of a standing ovation from both sides of the aisle – the no man’s land of our government.

Several weeks prior, Senator John McCain returned to the Senate after undergoing surgery and radiation treatment for a stage 4, brain cancer. As the Senator entered the capital building, the entire congress regardless of party affiliation applauded and cheered the Senators return.

It is clear that when one of their brethren is ill, the members of Congress can join hands in sincere brotherhood. Many of them teared on each occasion. It appears that the illness must have a terminal quality. No one gets cheers for the flu, or gout. The enthusiasm is reserved for that congressman who almost die, or at least face imminent death. Under those dire circumstances, bipartisanship reigns supreme.

When millions of civilians are faced with severe illness, terminal disease or possible medical intervention, health care rests in the congressional no man’s land. The proverbial aisle is inviolate.

Tom Golden, Ph.D,
Writer’s Cramp, 2017

Forget Bi-Partisan

I am in favor of partisan politics. Partisan politics reveals character, view points, personal history, biases, prejudices, and profound commitments. Partisan polemic allows us to realize the meaningless of such phrases as ‘my dear Friend from Georgia’, or my Honorable Senator Doe, or my Dear Colleague on the other side of the aisle. Other side of the aisle is code for ‘other side of the tracks, or wrong side of town, or just *&^>?$#+!@>:+*&@.

Partisan commentary allows us to hear the unvarnished, unadulterated principles that characterize a political figure.  The partisan comments announce the heart-felt biases, and systemic private allegiances of the politician. The truth and nothing but the truth, so help my prejudices. We should welcome the partisan perspective in order to better understand the opponent. We should demand complete partisan expression, since only then can we accurately assess the person, and run for cover, or attack as only a partisan can.

Be weary of the politician who is devoted to bi-partisan rhetoric. Such politicians have an appeal in that they seem to favor progress, and to avoid gridlock. They appear to seek consensus, cooperation, and accommodation. Remarkably such a politician appears to have rid himself of familial history, cultural influences and color perception? Beware, and never forget  Goldilocks.

All is not lost, in that frequently the Partigiano win. They win even though much heartache was endured. Remember the Alamo!

Did I Say That?

 

And now, the President of the United States – Donald Trump

“Thank you for the invitation, and the great welcome by such a great audience. I mean great – really great. First, I must give my thanks to the representatives who have come from far and wide. Very far. Not around the corner. Sometimes I wonder how come people come at all. I mean why do they come. I mean it, why? Then I say to myself that they really care. Not only do they care, but they really care – really. I say it, they care.

We are gathered today to celebrate the most important day of the month of October. You may not believe it, but all my life – I mean a long, long time, I loved Halloween. The fake news, all those fake news people sitting in the back. You see them – the fake people of the fake news. Say hello to the camera, you fake people. Forget them, I mean they love to hear me say fake news. Then they can say I called them fake news persons, love it, they love it. So, Halloween is a simple holiday. No religion, no racial things, just fun, fun. Real fun. You betta believe the fake news, yeh the ones in the back. Say cameraman, show the fake news persons. Okay forget it. They know they are fakers. The fake networks will say that President Trump made a big deal about Halloween. Yeh, that’s what they will say. I did make a big deal – it is a big deal for millions of my friends in Alabama, Ohio and mostly Pennsylvania. Would you believe I won Ohio, and Pennsylvania? Would you believe it. Believe it. Oh, poor Hillary, poor Hillary. What a bad candidate- really bad, so bad.

I have got to go to Mara Lago tonight. Big night there and thousands of kids -thousands are coming for their candy. Lotsa candy and things. Would you believe it thousands and with their mom and dad? Not just kids, but mom and dad, and maybe others. Thank you very much. A lot.”

Tom Golden, Writers Cramp, 2017

World War III

 

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the Earth. That was good, but the masterpiece was the creation of the coffee bean. Unfortunately, he planted most of the beans in Columbia and Brazil, and we will rue that decision. One of these days, the Colombians and the Brazilians will tire of being treated as third class persons. At that time, they are not going to send anymore coffee to any of the world major powers.

“That’s right. We not going to send anymore coffee – no more coffee – that’s it! We’re no send coffee at 60.00 dollars a case, 600.00 dollars or 6000.00 dollars a case. We no send any coffee. We no know what we do with the coffee, but we no send to any big powers – starting with the United States of America in the North America, Western hemisphere continent.”

“No more gringo – no more. We no give a damn what you pay us. We send nothing. Yeah, maybe you get some on the black-market – big deal. We no send and you are going to be in mucho trouble, because which big power drinks more coffee is gonna be more out of it. That’s when we start the Third World War. The United States Army is not gonna move their ass unless they have their coffee. Trucks ain’t gonna go, fliers ain’t gonna fly, jets won’t take to the sky, missilemen won’t watch their missiles, mommas won’t fuck their husbands, husbands won’t go to work, and children will go crazy because they get really loco parents who didn’t have their cup of coffee in the morning.”

“It’s gonna be all over for the United States of America, north America, because we ain’t sending you no more coffee. Oh, you try some artificial filler-inner, but that ain’t coffee. That ain’t the smell of coffee on the highway. It ain’t a hot cup of coffee on a cold, rainy morning. No more cigarette butts in the old coffee cup in the conference room. No, we no send anymore coffee, and if you don’t like it you better be nice, cause we got the bean.”

I wonder if the Russians drink a lot of coffee. I know the Chinese don’t – they’re hooked on tea. Perhaps that’s the answer to a coffee boycott. Tea and donuts; tea and a buttered roll; two eggs over easy, hashed browns, order of bacon, toast, and a mug of tea! What hath God wrought!!

The Golden Rule

 

Why just one moment of silence?

The election results of November 8th, announced a new day for America. Pundits predicted major policy changes for defense, economy, rules of government, gun control, abortion rights, immigration regulations, and even changes in the Constitution of the United States.

Unbelievable as it may seem, the 36% of the eligible voters who went to the poles demanded a fundamental change in the constitutional prohibition against prayers in the public schools. Did I say prayer? Well I meant to say, a moment of silence, not prayer. Immediately, various lobbying groups voiced their opposition to just a ‘moment of silence’ in the old school house. The most vigorous groups protesting the ‘moment’ were the American Federation of Teachers, the Association of Public School Administrators and the National Education Association. The following is an office memo secreted out of the headquarters of the AFT. It is addressed to the President of the United States, with copies to New Gingrich and Rush Limbaugh.

Dear Mr. President,

We take this opportunity to offer our total support for the notion of a moment of silence amendment, but we must humbly protest the restrictive nature of the ‘moment’. The silence that we would prefer is somewhat longer than a ‘moment’. Owing to the length of the public school day, and the unavoidable presence of children, we would suggest that the ‘moment’ be extended throughout the school day, approximately 6.5 hours.

Several advantages supported the extended ‘moment of silence’ concept. A student may pray at any time during the day, or even throughout the day. The privacy of silence would allow students of any religious persuasion to practice their beliefs to their hearts content. Even the agnostic, or the atheist could benefit from the silence period. Non-believers could recite the alphabet, or practice the difficult 8s and 9s multiplication tables. A student could daydream without punitive consequences. Children could think whatever they wished for as long as they desired.

Clearly the freedom to think is to be cherished, but there is a greater good that would derive from the extended moment of silence. The teaching population would be spared the incessant talking, whispering, shouting, gossiping, whining, hollering, and cursing that children are inclined to do. The constitutionally mandated daylong period of silence would free teachers from demanding silence, or punishing for speaking out of turn. The classroom would never again resound with such teacher outburst such as: Shut-up! Cut it out! No talking! Button your lip! Both the teacher and the student would have their privacy protected by the constitution. A student would never have to respond to a question, and possibly be in error. A non-responsive student might simply be engrossed in prayer. A prayer that is protected by all of the power of the United States Supreme Court.

We are proud of our chosen profession, and the responsibility that we have for the education of our children. We believe more than ever that silence is golden. We believe that prayer is good, but silence is better.

 

Sincerely yours,

 

Amercan Federation of Teachers.

 

Cc: Newt Gingrich

Rush Limbaugh

 

Copyright 1994, Writer’s Cramp, Tom Golden

Forget Bi-Partisan

 

I am in favor of partisan politics. Partisan politics reveals character, views, personal history, biases, prejudices, and profound commitments. Partisan polemic allows us to realize the meaningless of such phrases as ‘my dear Friend from Georgia’, or my honorable Senator Doe, or my Dear colleague on the other side of the aisle. Other side of the aisle is code for ‘other side of the tracks, or wrong side of town, or just plain other side.

Partisan commentary allows us to hear the unvarnished, unadulterated principles that characterize a political figure.  The partisan comments announce the heart-felt biases, and systemic private allegiances of the politician. The truth and nothing but the truth, so help my prejudices. We should welcome the partisan perspective in order to better understand the opponent. We should demand complete partisan expression, since only then can we accurately assess the person, and run for cover, or attack as only a partisan can.

Be wary of the politician who is devoted to bi-partisan rhetoric. Such politicians have an appeal in that they seem to favor progress, and to avoid gridlock. They appear to seek cooperation, and accommodation. How did that politician rid himself of spinal character traits, familial history, and color perception? Beware, and never forget  Goldilocks.

All is not lost, in that frequently the Partigiano win. They win even though much heartache was endured. Remember the Alamo!

Please Tell Me Something

Poor Chris Hayes of MSNBC. Chris tried to interview Carter Page, but without success. Years ago, Captain Page was interviewed in a military debriefing:

“Officer Page, what did you see at the airport?”
“ Sir, Yes I did.”
“Officer Page, what was it that you saw during the raid
“ That depends on what is of interest.”
“ Officer Page, can you please explain to us why 15  of your men were killed that night?’
“ Sir, you know that some operations are confidential, and rightfully so.”
“  Officer Page, we understand, but you are our only source of information. Every other man is dead.!”
“  Sir, you are correct. Every man was killed.”
“ And?”
“  I trust that you can appreciate the need for privacy. The event was clearly tragic.”
“   Page, I am asking you straight up. I want a straight answer.”
“  Okay. I understand.”
“  Can I be perfectly honest, Captain?”
“  Of course – certainly.”
“  Were you or were you not at the airport?”
“  The airport?”
“  Yes, Captain. Were you at the airport during the raid?”
“  The airport. Yes, I believe I was at the airport. I think I can say I was there.
“  I take that to mean you were there.  Great! While you were at the airport were you party to the raid?”
“  Sir, I will tell you without hesitation that was no party.”
“  Captain, you know what I mean. This is serious. You clearly cannot respond to simple questions, can you?”
“  That is not true.
“  Alright then. Tell me what happened at the airport during the raid.
“  Sir. You are asking me to tell you information that can be misinterpreted.
“  Captain. I am slowly, but rest assured becoming troubled by your responses.”
“  Sir, I am only trying to offer the best to my recollection.
“  I understand. Captain. As best as you can recall, please tell us what you saw during the raid at the airport.
“  Well, I mean I was at the airport, but not very long. During the raid 15 of my men were killed.”

“  Go on Captain. Go on.
“   What is it that you want me to say?
“   Captain, are you serious? Do you really not understand my questions?
“   Sir, I understand fully, and as I said personal observations and feelings are difficult to  remember after time.
“  Captain, it is less than one year since the raid. I will stop now. You might not believe me, but I am quite sympathetic to your situation. I am pleased you came to testify. It cannot be easy.
“  Sir, you are right about that.”
“   I am right about what?”
“  Sir, I can sure use some sympathy. Every time I talk to people they think I am hiding something. They think I am being uncooperative.”
“  Captain, I must be honest with you. I am not a dentist, nor do I like Dentists, but getting answers from you is like pulling teeth. I refuse to be responsible for you needing dentures. Dismissed.

 

 

 

 

The New Tower of Babel

The election for President was once decided by the Democrats or the Republicans. Now times are ‘a-changing’

We now have:

Democrats, Republicans, Evangelicals, Right of Center Evangelicals, Left of Center Baptists, Center-right Disabled, Center right Suburban Women, Progressive Democrats, and Conservative Democrats, Left wing Liberals, but also Right Wing Urban Dwellers, followed by Rural Progressives, not to be outdone by Communists ( one or two in Brooklyn), White Woman Liberals, and Black Southern Blacks, Main Street Republican, Libertarians, Post-Modern Democrat, Less Than Modern Republicans, Reactionary Seniors, Latino Agrarian, College Educated Men, High School Transsexuals, Worker Party Deadbeats, and so on and on…..

Kings were not all that bad.

A Court Divided

Four Liberals and four Conservatives. Four Justices for the Left and four Justices for the Right. Four Justices for the people, and four Justices for business. Four Justices for the right to choose and four Justices for right to life. Four Justices for X and four Justices for Y. The divided Court is a constant source of national anxiety. Four on one side, and four on the other. We are fortunate in that the Supreme Court has nine judges (most of the time). We need only one Justice who is clean of heart, clear of mind, not biased, and totally flexible. Only one Justice who is without a prior opinion. Only one Justice who sees the law as the primary concern. Only one Justice who will be the decider. Only one Justice who can allow the nation to move forward – to avoid deadlock – allow for national tranquility. Who is that one Justice? Who knows? Regardless of your choice, what is needed is a major change in the Supreme Court decision process. Considering the constant possibility of a divided Court, we should just ask that one unique Justice what he/she thinks, and that will be the Court’s decision. The end. Simple. One man/woman, and one vote. Amen!

The Readers….

 

Deep in the bowels of the FBI headquarters in Washington, D.C. is located a classified room that has been designated for the sorting, reading and reporting of all emails from governmental officials. Due to the current election, all sorting, reading and reporting of emails has been restricted to those emails from  and /or to Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Time : 8 am.

Bob: Good morning Kathy.
Kathy: Hi Bob. Where is Stan?
Bob: He said he might be late today.
Kathy: Why?
Bob: We wasn’t feeling well yesterday, and he worked late last night.
Kathy: What was wrong?
Bob: Stan has allergies. He said that this room is full of mold.
Kathy: Where? Where is the mold?
Bob: I don’t know. I think it is in the air. You can’t see it.
Kathy: Well, what do we have today?
Bob: The computer reads 18,000.
Kathy: Are you kidding.
Bob: No. Actually the count is 18,316.
Kathy: No way can we do that today, or even by Wednesday. This is a joke!
Bob: We’ve got three days till Wednesday.
Kathy: But they said that on Wednesday we will be getting 9000 more.
Stan: Hi folks. Sorry I’m late.
Kathy: You feeling better?
Stan: I’m okay. What do we have?
Bob: Little more than 18,000
Kathy: Let’s get going. I’ll take household expenses, grocery orders, prescriptions, and family stuff.
Bob: Okay. I’ll take Congress – both the House and Senate emails.
Stan: That’s too much. Give me the Senate.
Kathy Who will take the Defense department?
Bob: Forget it. Just set them aside for the moment. Maybe tomorrow we can share them.
Kathy: What about the classified?
Bob: What about it?
Stan: Put them aside also. Say do you think we can get some help?
Bob: I asked Senator Reid. He said maybe.
Kathy: Forget it. When they say maybe, that is code for no way!
Stan: The election is just 60 days away. They want it done.
Bob: Who?
Kathy: The Judiciary committee. They are hot to get it done, and see what’s there.
Kathy: Let’s get going. Will do the best we can.
Stan: O.K.
Worked all morning, and stopped for lunch.

Kathy: I am getting sick and tired of this crap.
Bob: I know what you mean. It seems there is no end to the emails.
Stan: We have read about 37, 000 at this point.
Kathy: And just 7 Classified – just seven!!
Bob: No Kathy. Just 5 that we are sure of.
Stan: That’s right. Remember the one from the President. The C looked like a G.
Bob: Yeh. And the one from the Defense department. We couldn’t understand why it had a C.
Kathy: I remember. That one was a recipe for Brownies.
Bob: Maybe filled with weed, or a unique poison.
Stan: No way.
Kathy: What do you mean?
Stan: My wife made the recipe. It was great!
Bob: Your wife read the email. I can’t believe that you took the email home.
Kathy: Stan, please don’t tell us you did – please!
Stan: Stay cool. I memorized the recipe. I’m telling you they were really good.
Bob: Let’s get back to work.
Kathy: Do we have to?
Stan: Kathy. The nation is counting on us.

Telephone rings:

Bob: Bob here.
Yes
What’s his name?
Sorry. What is her name?
Any intelligence experience?
No. Okay.
She worked at HUD.
Okay.
Tomorrow morning. That’s fine.
Thanks, Senator.
Kathy: What’s up.
Bob: Well we are getting a helper.
Stan: What was that about HUD?
Bob: She was a clerk, and answered emergency consumer calls at HUD.
Kathy: Why her. I can’t believe those people

Stan: Forget it Kathy. Give her home stuff. Car repairs, medical appointments, vacations plans.
Bob: At least we got help.
Kathy: Clearance. Does she have clearance.
Bob: Top secret.
Kathy: So what! At HUD that means she can view rental agreements, and mortgages.
Stan: Cut it out. At least we got someone.

The End

 

A Day in the Life of…..

Donald Trump: Wall spackling, toilet repair, Waste Management contract renewal, signage for building, parking lot pot holes, hiring window washers, law suit in Atlantic City, Beauty Queen dressing room visit, and renegotiating mortgage on Trump Tower.

Hillary Rodham Clinton: China conference on Woman’s Rights, testifying at Congressional Bengazi hearing, decision regarding Osama mission, U. S. Senate vote on Supreme Court Justice, action on equal pay for women, health care legislation for children, meeting with heads of state of 100 nations, administration of the United States State Department.

What a day!!!!!

Speak in Tongues

Yesterday the Secretary of State Kerry was citing the success of the fight against ISIS. He stated that “thousands, single digit, of ISIS were killed.” By that I assumed he meant a digit from 1 to 9. Perhaps he had a number that would precede the ‘thousands’ but did not want to say it. I guess he could have said, “a hundred, times 10, multiplied by a single digit”  or “more than one thousand, but less than ten thousand” thus staying within the single digit concept. Instead he chose to speak in tongues. And speaking of tongues – here goes!

Some words are proper nouns. We might soon be informed that a ‘Mitt’ or a ‘Jeb’ might seek the Republican nomination for President. Truth be told, and I am one committed to the truth, Mitt Romney birth name is, Willard Mitt Romney, and Jeb Bush birth name is John Ellis Jeb Bush. Our history has had four Johns are President:  John Adams, John Quincy Adams, John Tyler (a mystery ) and John Kennedy. We have never had a Willard. Is it time for a Willard? Or should we continue the lineage of Johns? Or do we dare to break with tradition and go rogue with Mitt or Jeb.

Scene at Buckingham Palace and the introduction of the new President Jeb Bush to the Queen of England.

Prime Minister: Your Majesty, it is my honor to present the President of the United States, “Jeb Bush”.

Queen: President Bush. Jeb, What a charming first name.

Jeb: Thank you your Majesty.

Queen: I have never had the pleasure of meeting a Texas cowboy.

Jeb: Oh no, mam, I am from Texas, I’m no cowboy.

Queen: Forgive me, but I remember one time viewing a film from the United States, and the sheriff was named,  Jeb.

Jeb: Well Your Highness, I assure you I never been in a movie, and my name is John Ellis Jeb Bush.

Queen: Oh, so many fine names. Is there a reason you are called Jeb?

Jeb: Well, your Holiness – excuse me  – your Highness. It is a long story, and I don’t want to bore you.

Queen: No, please. I am quite interested. Please tell me.

Jeb: Oh well. When I was just a whipper snapper…
(Queen interrupts)
Queen:  A whipper snapper? Pray tell, what is that?

Jeb:  Just a Texas expression. Nothing special. Just means pretty young – like a messin around kid.

Queen: Oh so charming. Fine, please go on.

Jeb: Well, one day I was out by our barn, and I was messin with a hog. Just trying to stick the hog with a stick. My Mom, saw me and hollered, “Jeb, stop messin with that hog!”

Queen: Oh, that messin once again. Your Mother said “Jeb”. Why would she say “Jeb”?

Jeb: Your Highness, I told you it is a long story, but I’ll cut it short. You see my mom was an expert in Civil War history. She loved the Confederacy, so do I. Well anyway one of the southern Generals was James Ewell Brown Stuart. He was real brave and charmin especially with the women. Kinda like me. General Stuart’s nickname was “Jeb”. That’s it, that the story.

Queen:  Well thank you. That wasn’t so long. I am sure you were pleased that your Mother didn’t call you “Ewell”, (Queen chuckles).

Jeb:  Yes mam. I sure am lucky she didn’t call me “Ewell.”

Queen: Well I must say that your family, especially your father President Bush, and your brother President Bush have “ done your nation real proud.” How is that for Texas talk, Mister Jeb?”

Jeb: Your Majesty, that was real fine. You’re a downright real fine Queen.