“You’ll Know – You’ll See”

President Trump is inclined to hint at his future actions. Trump will tell us that he has very important plans, and joyfully offers little clarity, other than the phrase: “the calm before the storm.” When asked what he means by that phrase, he will say, “you will know.” That lack of clarity, yet foreboding causes some minimal concern in Kingston New York, Bangor, Maine and Des Moines, Iowa. But the concern is much more provocative in….

North Korea: “Considering that the President of the United States has announced that a storm is coming, we have put our armed forces on 24-hour alert.”

Paris, France: “The Prime Minister, has ordered that all French ships near Iranian waters are to immediately return to the nearest French Ports.”

Ottawa, Canada: The Defense Minister declared: “We have learned that the President of the United States has declared that he will be making a decision that sounds rather ominous. In that light, we will be closing the Peace Bridge at 1400 hours on Sunday to all traffic entering from the United States.”

Teheran, Iran: “We have every reason to believe that the President of the United States intends to cancel the Iranian Treaty. As such we will immediately initiate the rehabilitation of all equipment that is needed for our nuclear production.”

Caracas, Venezuela: “Citizens of Venezuela, we have long feared that the United States is prepared to invade our territorial waters. President Trump has stated that a “storm” is coming. In the light of his threatening comments about our nation, we are ordering our Navy to intercept any naval vessel of the United States that enters our waters.”

Secretary General of the United Nations: “I have informed the members of the Security Council that we will meet tomorrows morning to discuss the implications of President’s Trumps announcement that portends some harmful international event is likely to occur. We have absolutely no idea as to the meaning of “calm before the storm”, but I have no other choice but to require an immediate gathering.”

Tom Golden, 2017, writers cramp

 

The BASE

The President has his Base. I also have a Base. In fact, I have two Bases’. One Base is Chicken, and the other is a Beef Base.  Each Base is totally reliable, and constant in performance. The ingredients in each Base are almost identical, except for the chicken content in one Base, and beef content in the other.

All politicians have a Base. The President’s Base is notably reliable, and remarkably constant in the results. The President can comfortably use his Base and count on the success of the basic ingredients. The basic ingredients of bigoty, fear, economic need, xenophobia, intolerance, hysteria, idolatry, and ignorance. To that Base, The President mixes lies, arrogance, impulsiveness, incoherence, adolescent sexuality, and fragility. The President’s Base is quite powerful, and can be used in varied situations, and to satisfy many tastes.  Hail to the Chief, I mean Chef as we eat our way to nauseum.

Tom Golden, Ph.D. writers cramp,2017

The LIE Word

Senator Corker from Tennessee stated that in his home, his family never used the LIE word. Currently, the Senator is in a newsworthy conflict with President Trump. Senator Corker has said that the President, “tells untruths.” “Untruths” may be difficult to say without an outburst of laughter, but it eliminates screaming, “liar, liar, liar!” The President said a “untruth.” Not only an “untruth”, but a “provable untruth”. Senator Corker may be unleashing a needed reform in our culture. The rebirth of manners and specifically mannered control over our communication.

What words were, forbidden, or at least avoided in your home. Let’s start with the “H” word, or at perhaps the “S” word. In some homes the list might include the “F” word,

Now as to our careful avoidance of forbidden words. I was told not to say the “H” word as in HATE, like, “I hate you.” I would instead say, “I hope you die” (but under my breath), followed by a quick “Oh, God, please don’t let my Mother die” (also under my breath). I believe that children express much of their feelings under their breath.

The “S” word as in STUPID -What is so wrong in calling your sister stupid? Many times, my sister, and my brother were stupid. Why punish me, when they were so stupid? I avoided stupid, by simple saying: “Wrong!” or “You’re such a jerk.”

And now for the biggy: “FUCK” as in “Fuck you!” Never, no never say that in one’s home. If by chance it slipped, then comes the soap mouth washing. The notion that cleansing a mouth with soap could suppress such intense feelings was at best a temporary suppression. You might say “Fuck You”, but to the air. That is with no eye contact to anyone. You might hear, “What did you say?” You then say “Nothing – nothing.” That usually works.

When and if children use forbidden words, the origins are usually attributed to the child’s playmates, or classmates. “Frank, I don’t want you to talk like your friend Michael. I have told you many times that Michael’s parents are hardly ever home, and he has sitters teach a lot of things that are not right. I hope that you understand. Do you?” Frank nods approval, and immediately returns to Mario on his computer.

 

Tom Golden, writer’s cramp, 2017

 

Not a Photo-OP

We are here at the San Juan airport, and await the landing of Air Force One with the President, and the first lady, Melanie. My first reporting assignment, and I can’t tell you how excited I am. This is the first visit of the President to our island. Porto Rico is devastated, and we are looking forward to the President’s visit. Our hope that his stay is not just a photo opportunity, and just another opportunity to gain personal favor with his base. The advance notice suggested that we would all be surprised by the President’s visit.

The plane is just landing. I am trying to get close to the tarmac, but the Black Water security personnel are refusing to allow us to move any closer.  I must tell you, those men look serious, and somewhat mean. I just heard one of them speak to a colleague, and they spoke in German. Another guard was holding a AK 14, and softly singing in Hebrew. Interesting international group of personnel.

The doors of the plane have just opened. Several assistants have exited, and now the President is standing in the doorway, and climbing down the stairs. It is hard to see him clearly, since several aides and guards are standing in my sight line. It appears that the President is wearing what looks like a hard hat. Yes, it is a hard hat. His typical baseball cap seems to be underneath the hard hat.

I am about 30 feet from the President, and I now can clearly see him. He appears to be wearing combat fatigues, and black boots. Around his waist is what looks to be the typical carpenters belt – full of tools. I can see a claw hammer, several chisels and a large tape measure hanging on the right side. He just turned around to answer a MSNBC reporter, and he is carrying a back pack. I can see at the top of the pack what looks like a reciprocal saw, or at least some type of saw. The sight of the President is remarkable. He looks like a walking Tractor Supply. Draped over his right shoulder is a coil of heavy duty rope, with large hooks on each end.  Just beside the rope is a holster with a hatchet. In his left hand he is holding a crow bar that looks to be at least 4 foot long.

I just noticed that the first lady, Melanie Trump has exited the plane and she is also wearing a hard hat. It seems to have a decal of the football Patriots on the side. Holy cow, she too is dressed in a workman suit, but in black with gold trim. She is carrying… I can’t believe it, but I was just told that she is carrying the Jaws of Death machine. The machine that helps cut through steel, or concrete. It is clearly heavy, and a guard with a very heavy Italian accent offered to help her with the equipment, but she has refused.

The President and the First Lady are entering an armored personnel carrier. They have just speeded away. No questions have been asked of the President. Clearly, this was not the typical photo op. It appears that the President is here to do something. What, who knows, but hopefully he and his wife will not hurt themselves.

Tom Golden, writers cramp, September 2017.

Uncharted Waters

Today, February 9, 2017, Senator Mark Warner of the great state of Virginia stated that, “we are in uncharted waters.” Other political leaders and commentators have said phrases of a similar sort, e.g. “This is a new day,” and “Little seems the same.” and most painful, “It is difficult to know what to do – so many things are changing daily,”

Fellow Americans, the only person in the entire country that is “uncharted” is the President of the United States. The only citizen who can change opinion, desires, attitudes on a “daily”, or “hourly” basis is Donald Trump – Our pathologically disturbed President.

Perhaps, Senator Warner, and his colleagues feel that they are in “uncharted waters.” I feel sorry for them. It must be difficult for them to remember right from wrong, or truth versus lies. Have Senator Warner and ‘friends’ (those in Congress always refer to one another as ‘friend’) lost their moral compass and as such cannot distinguish between ill-will and respect. Have they totally suppressed or deny the teachings of their parents, teachers, church leaders? That Donald Trump resembles a buoy bobbing in the sea is not my fate. That Donald Trump is troubled by demons that deny him guidance and safety, is not my state of mind, nor body. I fear not uncharted waters, not because of some exquisite seamanship, but because of my humanity.

WPRD Nightly Quiz Show

President Trump: Puerto Rico is an island. A big island surrounded by water, big water.
Announcer: Correct. Mr. President. Now for the next question. What is the difference between Long Island and Ellis Island?
President Trump: Well that’s another island question. I like island questions. I really like Long Beach Island. My friend, Chris Christy has a home on LBI. That’s Long Beach Island if you like – I really like it a lot, it’s just great. Big, huge, and right on the water. Real salty ocean water. I like water in a lake. Do you?
Announcer: Mr. President, about the difference between Long Island and Ellis Island?
President Trump: Okay, you are stuck on island stuff. That’s o.k. Ellis Island is for refugees, lotsa of refugees from all over the world. Not from Iraq, or Syria, or Sri Lanka. Say did you ever visit Sri Lanka?
Announcer: Mr. President. No, I have never been to Sri Lanka. Now for Long Island.
President Trump: What about Long Island? It’s nice – real nice. Just near Jones Beach, and Fire Island.
Announcer: Forget that question. Just one more question that was submitted by a Mr. Omar Quor.
President Trump: What did you say?
Announcer: Mr. Omar Quor sent in a question for you.
President Trump: What is the question?
Announcer: Mr. Quor asks if you will release your tax return.
President: Who is this Omar person?
Announcer: He is a listener to our show.
President: Is this show on line? Is this being broadcast?
Announcer: Of course, Mr. President. Didn’t your daughter tell you that we would be broadcasting a quiz with the President.
President: Who?
Announcer: Your daughter, Ivanka said that you would be pleased to be on the show.
President: Well I’ll tell you something I love my daughter, Kelley Ann and even Rachel Maddow.
Announcer: Yes?
President: That’s it. I love a lot of people. Even not in my family. I even love you.
Announcer: Thank you – thank you Mr. President.
President: Say, you can call me Donald, or you can call me anytime. Get it? Call me anytime!

Tom golden, writer’s cramp, September 2017

I Represent…

Recently I heard a congressman state the following: “Get this straight. I was elected by my constituents. I was chosen by those citizens to represent their concerns, and that is my duty under the constitution. So when you ask me how did I feel about the Alabama election of Mr. Brown to the United States Senate I stated that he is responsible to his constituents, as am I. That Mr. Brown has stated that September 11 deaths were due to God punishing us for the issue of homosexuality, that is for his voter’s concern. I have my voters to consider.”

What about national issues. is the President the only person in government who is answerable to all of us? Why isn’t any representative elected responsible to all of us, regardless of district, and party?

There is a world of difference between a Politician and a Statesman. The Politician represents their residents. The Statesman represents all. Pitifully, the Congress of the United States is populated by Politicians. There are no Statesman.

Thomas Golden, Ph.D.
30 Riveredge Road
Tenafly, New Jersey 07670
201-567-1913

Hurray for Bipartisanship

On Wednesday, September 27, the Congress of the United States displayed a fervent, unanimous welcome to Representative Scalise of Louisiana. Congressman Scalise has recovered from a near death shooting, and entered the hallowed halls to 20 minutes of a standing ovation from both sides of the aisle – the no man’s land of our government.

Several weeks prior, Senator John McCain returned to the Senate after undergoing surgery and radiation treatment for a stage 4, brain cancer. As the Senator entered the capital building, the entire congress regardless of party affiliation applauded and cheered the Senators return.

It is clear that when one of their brethren is ill, the members of Congress can join hands in sincere brotherhood. Many of them teared on each occasion. It appears that the illness must have a terminal quality. No one gets cheers for the flu, or gout. The enthusiasm is reserved for that congressman who almost die, or at least face imminent death. Under those dire circumstances, bipartisanship reigns supreme.

When millions of civilians are faced with severe illness, terminal disease or possible medical intervention, health care rests in the congressional no man’s land. The proverbial aisle is inviolate.

Tom Golden, Ph.D,
Writer’s Cramp, 2017

A Name…

A NAME is important. A NAME is more than a label. A NAME tells us something about the person. Take buildings for an example. There are no buildings with a NAME such as: I, or ME, or US. Nor are there clothing labels that declare: IT, or MINE, or WE.  There are many structures that do carry a label, a real NAME.

For some persons, their NAME is important. To have a NAME recognized is food for their ego. Others have never expressed a desire to have public recognition of their NAME. In fact, Ulysses Grant never asked for a memorial to his NAME, nor did George Washington desire to have a city, or monument bear his NAME. Martin Luther King, never asked for an avenue named after him, nor did Francis Albert Sinatra ask for a “Way” in Hoboken, New Jersey.

And now for persons who have a fervent, spinal need for their NAME to be recognized by every inhabitant of the world. A person who needs his NAME on apartment and office building(s), Casinos, and golf courses. Such a person is our President Donald Trump. To have his NAME plastered for all to see, both in the United States and in foreign lands is a basic need, as is the need for food and water.

President Trump clearly enjoys the sight of his NAME in public places. BUT, there is one labelling of which he is most desirous. Donald Trump needs – a need beyond measure, to have his NAME on a health bill.

A modest proposal. The Congress, both parties, must make the needed corrections in Obama Care, and then NAME the bill as: TRUMP CARE. TRUMP CARE logos must be placed in every medical facility, pharmacy. Every auto sold, should carry a bumper sticker announcing TRUMP CARE. Only then will the Donald achieve some sense of comfort. Only then will Donald be able to sleep thru the night, and not resort to tweets.

The End

Thomas Golden, Writer’s Cramp, September ,2017.

Forget Bi-Partisan

I am in favor of partisan politics. Partisan politics reveals character, view points, personal history, biases, prejudices, and profound commitments. Partisan polemic allows us to realize the meaningless of such phrases as ‘my dear Friend from Georgia’, or my Honorable Senator Doe, or my Dear Colleague on the other side of the aisle. Other side of the aisle is code for ‘other side of the tracks, or wrong side of town, or just *&^>?$#+!@>:+*&@.

Partisan commentary allows us to hear the unvarnished, unadulterated principles that characterize a political figure.  The partisan comments announce the heart-felt biases, and systemic private allegiances of the politician. The truth and nothing but the truth, so help my prejudices. We should welcome the partisan perspective in order to better understand the opponent. We should demand complete partisan expression, since only then can we accurately assess the person, and run for cover, or attack as only a partisan can.

Be weary of the politician who is devoted to bi-partisan rhetoric. Such politicians have an appeal in that they seem to favor progress, and to avoid gridlock. They appear to seek consensus, cooperation, and accommodation. Remarkably such a politician appears to have rid himself of familial history, cultural influences and color perception? Beware, and never forget  Goldilocks.

All is not lost, in that frequently the Partigiano win. They win even though much heartache was endured. Remember the Alamo!

Did I Say That?

 

And now, the President of the United States – Donald Trump

“Thank you for the invitation, and the great welcome by such a great audience. I mean great – really great. First, I must give my thanks to the representatives who have come from far and wide. Very far. Not around the corner. Sometimes I wonder how come people come at all. I mean why do they come. I mean it, why? Then I say to myself that they really care. Not only do they care, but they really care – really. I say it, they care.

We are gathered today to celebrate the most important day of the month of October. You may not believe it, but all my life – I mean a long, long time, I loved Halloween. The fake news, all those fake news people sitting in the back. You see them – the fake people of the fake news. Say hello to the camera, you fake people. Forget them, I mean they love to hear me say fake news. Then they can say I called them fake news persons, love it, they love it. So, Halloween is a simple holiday. No religion, no racial things, just fun, fun. Real fun. You betta believe the fake news, yeh the ones in the back. Say cameraman, show the fake news persons. Okay forget it. They know they are fakers. The fake networks will say that President Trump made a big deal about Halloween. Yeh, that’s what they will say. I did make a big deal – it is a big deal for millions of my friends in Alabama, Ohio and mostly Pennsylvania. Would you believe I won Ohio, and Pennsylvania? Would you believe it. Believe it. Oh, poor Hillary, poor Hillary. What a bad candidate- really bad, so bad.

I have got to go to Mara Lago tonight. Big night there and thousands of kids -thousands are coming for their candy. Lotsa candy and things. Would you believe it thousands and with their mom and dad? Not just kids, but mom and dad, and maybe others. Thank you very much. A lot.”

Tom Golden, Writers Cramp, 2017

BACK TO YOU

Two world leaders “busting” on one another, and possibly killing all the rest of us. My best tom

Can you possibly imagine committing to a war on the back of:

Man 1: Fuck you.
Man 2: Fuck you too.
Man 1: You are a piece of shit.
Man 2: Oh yeh. Well your mother is a whore.
Man 1: Your psychotic.
Man 2: Well you are a doddering old man.
Man 1: Now you’re getting personnel.
Man 2: I am not done.
Man 1: What now?
Man 2: How about dropping a atomic bomb in the ocean.
Man 1: Big deal – who gives a damn.
Man 2: Say, I have to go eat dinner.

The End

What Did He Say??

 

Fellow Americans, I welcome the opportunity to speak with you tonight. I would like to take this opportunity to clarify our current policies, positions, and potential possibilities. You are all well aware that we are once again engaged overseas in a major struggle. We know that the reason we are there is to establish, that is to re-establish, a democratic state. In no way do we want to destabilize the existing democratic institutions. We are fully committed to the basic principles of independence and national sovereignty. Nonetheless, we will not tolerate the continued dismantling of a system of government, that has clearly been supported by major segments of the population.

As stated previously, and by various members of the government, our primary role has been and continues to be that of a mediator, and not one of a decision maker. This has been a difficult role to fulfill considering our lack of primacy in this crisis situation. As always, we must be ever vigilant so as to avoid the perception of favoritism, or antagonism toward each of the participants, whomever they may be. This role is not without inherent dangers. Once a commitment is made, we are then obligated to a total and indeterminate stake in whatever outcomes prevail.

I know that you can appreciate the profound implications of a rather complex situation. But never doubt the will of a nation, and the will of people to determine their own destiny. A destiny that would never have been fulfilled were it not for the dedication, and other things that happen to each of us – I mean all of us. When a public becomes too knowledgeable in the ways of resistance, we have to stop, look, and listen. We have to be able to grab the means of power, and grab the bull by its horns and other animals also.

Don’t forget that. The most base, animal instincts within us, can show their colors on any day, or moment in time. Just give me one moment in time, and I will show you how we got there. Getting there is half the battle. The other half, surprisingly, is not equal to the first half. Obviously, such a simple explanation is too difficult to understand, especially when we feel a sense of confusion regarding what we are saying and doing. To fight for the right, without stumble or pause, and to march into hell for a heavenly cause is not easy for the uncommitted among us.

We must seek a way, any way to get out of here. We must begin at the beginning and not be midway toward the final goal and conclusion. You must believe me when I say, with all my heart and soul, that we will never gain a foothold in a democratic system of justice without a sheriff. That was how we tamed the west, and never let it be said that we weren’t defeated more than once and still came back.

Perhaps you are still doubting the basic premise, whatever that is. Well, do not despair, we have not reached the eleventh hour yet. It is only 10:30. Well, you know what I mean. I mean that we have not yet begun to fight. We will take flight when we are good and ready, and not before – remember that! When we are ready, you will feel it as I do now, and I am not ready to commit fully to anything.

I feel so lonely as I speak to you. It is so difficult to give this speech. I was up quite late last night writing this speech. My wife, told me to get some sleep. I said that I would, but instead I had another cup of expresso.  Boy, was I exhausted. I finally went to bed at 4:30 in the morning. I guess I should have edited my speech. Proof reading really does help. I have never been so confused in my life, but I hope you feel the same about me. Being your president, your commander in chief, isn’t easy. Bass fishing isn’t easy either but at least you can eat what you catch. (Giggle)

Ya know, when I was a young boy, I was asked to give a speech to my scout troop. The topic was what I was going to be when I grew up. I wanted to be a plumber, I couldn’t tell the troop that, so I said I wanted to be a President. I didn’t mean commander in chief. I meant I wanted to own my own plumbing supply company. I would be president of Bush’s Bushings and Washers Inc. But it all went south. I stand before you, and I am in a lot of trouble. We are in a mess. I must leave you right now. I am very tired – really bushed (giggle). Tomorrow, I think I am going to declare war. It is the best that I can do. If I don’t declare war tomorrow, I might never have another chance during my administration. Every President I know has either declared a war, fought a war, or ended a war, or wished he had done so. For those of you who are still awake, I say goodnight. For those of you who have fallen asleep or changed the dial on your television, I wish you a happy holiday season. I’ve got to go. Happy New War! Just messin! Happy New Year, I am so tired…

World War III

 

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the Earth. That was good, but the masterpiece was the creation of the coffee bean. Unfortunately, he planted most of the beans in Columbia and Brazil, and we will rue that decision. One of these days, the Colombians and the Brazilians will tire of being treated as third class persons. At that time, they are not going to send anymore coffee to any of the world major powers.

“That’s right. We not going to send anymore coffee – no more coffee – that’s it! We’re no send coffee at 60.00 dollars a case, 600.00 dollars or 6000.00 dollars a case. We no send any coffee. We no know what we do with the coffee, but we no send to any big powers – starting with the United States of America in the North America, Western hemisphere continent.”

“No more gringo – no more. We no give a damn what you pay us. We send nothing. Yeah, maybe you get some on the black-market – big deal. We no send and you are going to be in mucho trouble, because which big power drinks more coffee is gonna be more out of it. That’s when we start the Third World War. The United States Army is not gonna move their ass unless they have their coffee. Trucks ain’t gonna go, fliers ain’t gonna fly, jets won’t take to the sky, missilemen won’t watch their missiles, mommas won’t fuck their husbands, husbands won’t go to work, and children will go crazy because they get really loco parents who didn’t have their cup of coffee in the morning.”

“It’s gonna be all over for the United States of America, north America, because we ain’t sending you no more coffee. Oh, you try some artificial filler-inner, but that ain’t coffee. That ain’t the smell of coffee on the highway. It ain’t a hot cup of coffee on a cold, rainy morning. No more cigarette butts in the old coffee cup in the conference room. No, we no send anymore coffee, and if you don’t like it you better be nice, cause we got the bean.”

I wonder if the Russians drink a lot of coffee. I know the Chinese don’t – they’re hooked on tea. Perhaps that’s the answer to a coffee boycott. Tea and donuts; tea and a buttered roll; two eggs over easy, hashed browns, order of bacon, toast, and a mug of tea! What hath God wrought!!

My Gut Feelings

 

Dear Mr. Robin,

The following comments are in response to your opinion in the February 3rd edition of the Suburbanite.

I have gut feelings.

Somewhere near my spleen.

Like most gut feelings

They don’t equal what I mean.

I have gut feelings

That leave me in despair

For in my job as Editor

I have opinions I must air.

I’m not qualified to speak

Of barracks, wars and gays.

But I try my best to speak

If in rather schizo ways.

I’m trying to ignore my guts

But I can’t stay in my head.

I fear I may be going nuts

Losing readers is what I dread.

If gays fought with Washington

And rights are free to all,

Why then are my intestines

So knotted in a ball?

Oh to be born in ‘60

And not in ‘59

My guts would be less twisty,

My mental life sublime.